I've been bad...my thesis is due next week, this is why. My reading (last post) went well. I had three beers and half a margarita before hand, so my nerves were calm and I came across confident.
Now the thesis defense. I am freaked out. I suddenly am doubting my writing skills and worry about being failed. The last two days I feel like breaking down and crying at any given moment. I just have to stay calm. May 4th I defend and my degree is decided. I hate this pressure. Everytime I get in the car to drive I have the urge to just get on the freeway an not return. It is ironic that all the stories in my thesis/collection are about characters who want to escape and here I am faced with the same feeling. Maybe if I leave and then write a good paper to my committee explaining my reasoning and how it ties into my writing they will give me the degree.
Here is pretty much how I feel, a chat I had with my mom...
Melissa
I want to just take the car and pack it with food and drive
and see where I end up
without any plans
or maps
Tanya
no no car limits you to this continent, this continent is not best
Melissa
I know, but you can park the car and then fly
with the right amount of xanax
On Hold
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2 comments:
dear dear dear...
You are going to be fine. Great. Wonderful!
Stuff like this is so, f'ing supremely scary. It's totally normal that you want to run. But you'll get through it and feel so awesome and strong and DONE after you get through it.
Did I tell you that I'm coming to the defense? I am. Let me know if you want anything specific for that.
I agree totally, how can they not give it too you. And if for some god forsaken reason they don't (I will kill them until they are dead, one of my favorite russian quotes), then you just need to throw some more travel at your thesis and do it again, no problem. But I'm sure you've got it.
pop
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