A Dog Horror Movie

I am so exhausted my legs feel like they can't move. I feel sick, I feel tired, my brain feels dead. I can't walk my dog that is driving me crazy and won't let me write my paper that is due tomorrow. The things my dog does while I am counting down the hours to deadlines:

Breaks a purple ink pen on the light carpet making a huge stain

Steals a sharp cutting knife from the sink and runs around the apt. with the knife blade sticking out of his mouth, like he's the dog version of the Scream man.

Swallows a whole tampon

Attempts to chew the heel off a shoe

I wish my dog understood what "Bad Dog" meant.