Getting older

The weekend came and went. Palina moved away. It was harder than I thought. I am so excited for her. I am so happy she moved into the dorms so she can get the true college experience, but it feels lonely already. My family is seriously the most important thing to me and ever since I moved back to Davis from Santa Cruz Palina and I really became close. I know we have had our rough times and I was the unfair older sister at times, but over the years she is the closest sibling to me.

For the first time in my life I feel like I am growing up. For the longest time I felt like I was holding on to youth. Yes I got a college degree, Birthdays passed, I moved from home, and found a full time job, but it still felt comfortable. I always felt my childhood, my memories, my family was always just a block away. Now that Palina moved away for the first time it hit me. We are getting older. Going home will feel more empty. My parents will feel older. Everything feels more like the past.

I think it will be easier to move away now. It still won't be easy. But for some reason until now, I felt like I was not done with Davis, my family, and mostly building and fixing the relationship I had with Palina. These past four years have really made up for it all though. We still have so much ahead of us and so much we have to do. but this feels like a big step.

Today I was so tired with my office job. I felt like everything in my life had to change. During lunch I walked across the street to campus and sat in my new office in the english department for the first time. I know. A whole block. But it felt like a change. I sat at my new desk, zoned out, and ate coffee house food. It felt like time was changing. It was hard to drag myself back to my city desk.

I seriously cannot stop thinking about how cool college will be for Palina. I hope she lives it to the best of her abilities: studies hard, makes connections, and has fun, fun fun. College was the best time of my life. If I could go back I would repeat it over and over again. Each time at a different universities that is :) I am jealous she is just starting her college years and I cannot wait to visit her.