Everyday Ramblings

Keeping busy

2010-02-24T21:04:00.001-08:00

Along with filling out grant applications and orphanage applications I've been writing for work at City Hall. Even though I am not writing books, I feel happy to be writing alot. I've done ten pages this past week. I've also been studying. I'm taking an online infant class and even though it is fairly easy and mostly a joke, I feel like if I push myself at my own level I can learn more. So during my lunch break everyday I've been studying. It feels good to be using my brain, especially while getting paid. And the harder I work the more I feel like I am earning those travel trips/plane tickets abroad. Not a day passes that I don't look at pictures from Russia and feel home sick or research things to do in Thailand and get more and more excited for what is at the edge of my fingertips. Here is the article I wrote for the recreation division at city of davis. It will be published in the Enterprise. Perhaps I really should be in sales....
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Spring is in the Air!

Spring is just around the corner and while some of us use our spring break to do some spring cleaning, others find it the perfect time to have some fun in the sun after a winter cooped up inside. Spring is the time for new beginnings and changes. Flowers start to bloom throughout our City Parks, ducklings start appearing at the Davis Arboretum, and your local Community Services Department plans some great ways for you to try new things during your spring break and create some lasting memories.

I still remember attending Davis Senior High School like it was yesterday. In-between Spanish, history, chemistry, and cross country, I spent the time talking with my friends about making the most of our high school days since college felt like it was just around the corner. High School felt like the end of one chapter in our lives and the beginning of a huge change: college. Where would we go? What would we study? How we would choose? From my own experience the colleges that had the lasting impressions on me where the ones that I visited. Spring break is the perfect time to take a road trip to various campuses with your Community Services Department- meet some new friends (It’s what you’ll be doing in college after all!), try college food, and tour the campuses. So-Cal Safari is for the high school student who is thinking about those college applications that need to be filled out in the summer and fall. Join us and prepare for one of the biggest moments in your life.

If high school is still a few years away, don’t worry! There are many fun spring time camps that will offer some exciting activities, new friendships, and memories that you’ll still be talking about when you return to school in April. Explore your athletic skills through hoops and balancing bars at the City of Davis Gymnastics and Dance Center that will be offering a Spring Fling Gym and Dance camp. This is a great opportunity for kids who are interested in trying out a gym and dance class for the first time or for kids who just can’t seem to get enough of it during the school week.

If being outdoors is your thing we offer a horse camp for beginners where you can spend five spring days in a row with horses and other horse lovers. Most of us don’t have enough room in our backyards for our very own horses, so this is a great opportunity to move beyond the horse books and learn everything hands-on that you wanted to know about horse behavior, care, and riding. By the end of spring break you and your friends will be able to participate in a mini horse show that promises lots of fun. Grab those reins and trot into the final stretch of the school year with stories of horses, friends, and new riding experiences.

Gymnastics and Dance not your thing? Horses not really an interest? Don’t worry! If you really can’t wait for the summer to attend camp we have just the spring preview for you. Travel with new friends and great camp leaders on day trips to the bowling alley, Golfland Sunplash, and a roller skating rink in our annual Spring Break Safari. In addition to safari’ing around, we have many creative crafts and games planned for in town that are sure to keep your mind off of school. Challenge new friends in a hopscotch relay or work together to create friendship sticks. Contact your Community Services Department to find out more details about daily activities.

The choices are yours- a college tour trip, gymnastics, horses, or field trips and playground activities? Spring is in the air and it is time to hang-up that winter coat. Join us and enjoy your break taking that deep breath of fresh air while trying new things.

Tell us about your volunteer experience and how travel has influenced your desire to volunteer

2010-02-15T12:14:00.000-08:00

So...I am trying to get this $5000 grant from travelocity that would allow me to go to Russia- they would set me up with orphanage work, a plane ticket, board, food, everything. The grant is a lengthly application asking for 4 essays. I have finished one. Three to go....

I have traveled to many places and volunteered at home. My first volunteer experience was in my preteens when I would sit with shelter dogs on adoption day. I found joy in helping dogs find a second home full of love. It later led to becoming a camp leader for a 6th grade outdoor education camp when I was in high school. As a camp leader I was responsible for being a good role model to younger kids, bring them to meals, campfire, and other camp activities. As a camp leader volunteer I proved I could be energetic and upbeat with younger kids. I was interested in experiencing nature with children and watching them learn new things. After my volunteer experience in high school I became a student teacher volunteer in college. As a student teacher volunteer I would spend time in a 5th grade classroom and help the teacher with group activities, classroom management, and I would help with basic classroom maintenance tasks. For example, one day when the kids were playing outside at recess I took the time to clean the slides from the microscopes. I sat outside in the sun and cleaned each individual slide. While doing so a curious child came up to me and asked me what I was doing. The child was not from the class I was volunteering in (he was younger) I told him what a microscope was and what the slides did. In this moment I realized teaching children can happen at any moment- not just in the classroom as a paid teacher. Through my volunteer experiences I realized volunteering allows you to feel like you have a purpose. It is a moment when you can connect to children or animals or adults in a way that no other position allows it. People in need open their worlds to volunteers and volunteers that are willing to help will learn so much about humanity and cultures that make us who we are.

I’ve been traveling through my imagination before I could actually leave the house. I understood from an early age that travel was something that made us better people. You learn about life through new experiences in unfamiliar surroundings. I have been to over thirty of the fifty states, traveled to Canada, Costa Rica, Germany, France, and Russia. It didn’t seem to matter where I was- in a new state or a different country; but I knew that more than the touristy things I was interested and drawn to the people, the culture, and the stories of these places. Whenever planning for a trip I searched for lodging and activities “off the beaten path” and found excitement in taking things as they came. Touristy things don’t appeal to me. As a tourist you miss out on so much each country and its people have to offer. Traveling has made me aware of how much we learn about life through our experiences with different cultures. I could be in Costa Rica feeding street dogs or having lunch and conversation with a local named Junior in a small town with only dirt roads. Or I could be trying to decipher the Cyrillic alphabet in the Russian metro or traveling to a small Russian village and spending the day wearing a borrowed cultural skirt in a monastery. It didn’t matter where I was, but I knew when I traveled I needed to stay longer, immerse myself, take chances, and become part of the culture. I wanted to understand these people and the places they call home.

The last two trips in my life have had the most impact on my urge to volunteer. I am someone who is curious about small towns and culture and the people that live there. A few years ago when my grandparents, parents, and friends came together to give me a trip to someplace, the first thing I did was go on google and searched the phrase: small towns off the beaten path. I found Cahuita, Costa Rica and convinced my family to come with me to the small town in Southern Costa Rica. I trusted people I couldn’t exchange more than a few sentences with to drive us to the small village with only dirt roads and no street names. In Cahuita I chipped my front tooth and experienced a robbery by gun point. These experiences, as much as they were scarier, brought me closer to the country. It was through these life changing experiences that I started to think about the situations and pressures people are faced with and how this can lead them to do the desperate things they do in life. Instead of become scared of the uncertainty of travel, I came home to Davis and tried to think of ways I could help people who needed it most.

While in Russia this past September my family drove me out to the countryside. We winded past small wooden villages and children selling apples on the side of the road. I watched through the window and imagined being on the other side- in the village, with those kids and families. I didn’t want to be a bystander or tourist. I wanted to be part of the village and a part of the community. I feel that an experience of living within a country or small town will allow me to have an impact on my life and the life of others. Working for money gets you the paycheck that allows you to take those touristy trips, but working for people as a volunteer allows you to become part of the country. I feel as a volunteer I will be working from the kindness of my heart. This is what I want to do. I want to volunteer my time to help others and learn about the world.

Time and the Building List

2010-02-13T14:46:00.000-08:00

I think time is everyone's worst enemy- or close to it. Whether we detest another birthday or how short weekends are. Regardless time passes and I try to make the best of it. It is something I feel we can never control and we either are happy with how we use our time or not. So I try to be happy with it while I got it.

The biggest problem is I have a huge imagination and lots of ideas. All of these ideas are doable, yet they keep adding up. I have problems with starting things. So the list keeps building and I am finding while working 2 jobs plus babysitting there is little free time. My never ending building list is:

-writing my costa rica novel
-writing a guide book on breweries of northern california (i think this is my best bet with breaking into the publishing world)
-making a virtual portfolio of my illustrations so I can send them to children's book publishing houses
-apply for grants to travel
-travel to multiple countries
-fill out applications for other volunteer programs (the list continues to build of organizations)
-draw some more

So to handle my time and try to find some self discipline to work on these things....along with my multiple jobs(I've been picking up babysitting, working at city hall, and in the infant room). I bought a super cute imported planner. I almost don't want to use it because it is so cute:

Goodbye Mr. Salinger

2010-01-28T19:41:00.001-08:00

I'm a terrible terrible blogger that never updates. I feel like facebook status' have become an easy way to share/express my feelings in a few sentences every day. I try to update those every day, but I should also really keep to this blogging thing. It is good to practice writing that I am beginning to miss for the first time since Grad School. I think I needed a break from those deadlines and pressure to really enjoy it again. I met my good creative writing friend from Grad School yesterday. We had coffee and talked about writing. One of her short stories is a finalist for a competition- I am so proud of her...but we made a new years pact. Our pact is that we will write ten pages a month (to think we used to do it per week!) and meet for coffee and "workshop" each other's peices. Both of us will be writing our first novels. I have had a YA novel idea in my head since Sep. 2008. I hope this forces me to finally write it. But here I am updating my blog because a) I felt like writing for once and b) I am inspired and feel like I should write in J.D. Salinger's honor today. His death hit me harder than I thought. I can't think of someone who I never met and who died hit me hard like this one. It's been on my mind all day and as I have been thinking about it all my memories started coming back to me.

I remember the first time I picked up Catcher in the Rye. I was 16 years old and my english teacher told us it is a controversial book that our high school was at the time trying to ban. I felt like a rebel reading it. I felt like I was breaking rules through books and stories instead of alcohol and drugs like a lot of my peers. I wasn't depressed like holden caulfield but I connected to his sarcastic sense of life and felt a writer's awakening within myself. I understood symbolism for the first time. And when we were assigned to write an essay on the book my english teacher pulled me aside and told me it would be fine if I wrote a short story in Holden Caulfield's voice. I want to say that I wrote my first story because of this book. But that's not true. I was writing stories before I could spell. But I can say that this book did teach me how to being dissecting stories and learning how they are written. I became passionate of understanding what everything meant in stories. This book made me laugh and connect to the pains of the character. It made me understand atheism. Most importantly, Catcher in the Rye inspired me and it still does. I read JD Salinger's Franny and Zoe and some short stories, but the personal connections I had with Catcher in the Rye still make it my favorite. J.D Salinger is an amazing talented artist that will not be forgotten.

"Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be." - J.D. Salinger

I should be in sales

2009-12-02T12:04:00.000-08:00

Sierra Nevada should have hired me as a sales rep. I guess I might be pretty good at convincing people about certain things. I get excited about recommending beer to perplexed strangers in the beer aisle at the grocery store, convincing ten people they should come with me on an off the beaten path trip to Costa Rica (all planned by me who never went there and didn't know what to expect), convincing people what art supplies would be best for them (sometimes I miss my job at the hobby craft), and convincing a friend it is a good idea to stick a raw hop bud in your mouth (only to loose all aspect of taste for the next hour or so). Now I can add convincing an editor to read my story to the list. I could say another one bites the dust, but for some reason I am just happy I was able to somewhat sell myself in my cover letter. I have always dreaded queries and cover letters, so getting some positive and individual response on that sort of made my day. Are rejection letters supposed to do that? Are they supposed to be this nice?
I guess rejection isn't as bad as I thought or maybe I am just hopelessly positive:

Dear Melissa,

Thanks so much for giving us the opportunity to read your work. We are humbled to be receiving so much great work this early in our existence.

Based on your cover letter, I\'d say we had a whole lot in common. I have also done a great deal of traveling and stare at maps endlessly...and also plan vacations I know (at least unconciously) I\'ll never take. Anyway, I\'d say on Burning the Buttes that you have a great first paragraph. It engages the reader and sets high expectations for the story, which I didn\'t feel quite lived up to those expectations. Sorry to disappoint, but anyone who loves maps is welcome to submit here anytime.

Thanks again,
M.E. Parker, Editor
Camera Obscura Journal

Screw the System

2009-12-01T09:02:00.000-08:00

I hate our health care system. Seriously. So I was sick, getting better and went to the doctor. She told me to rest and drink fluids but I am on the road to recovery. It cost me $88 to hear something I already knew. I got better. And then fell down the deep end again. Sunday night I had body aches, and my chest felt like someone was pushing down a bag of bricks on it. Monday morning I woke up with my sheets soaked and pajamas soaking with sweat. I took my temperature and had a fever. It semi-freaked me out, because I have never broken out in a sweat like this. I took IBprofin and felt fine. I went to work and worked a 7 hour shift and went out with my friends at night. I felt normal, besides my cough and sometimes uncomfortable pressure on my chest. I wish I could just be normal. I hate feeling these things and also feeling like I can't go to the doctor because I might be sent home with nothing but a high bill. This morning Lisa woke me up worried because she saw something on H1N1 that said if symptoms subdue but then return as a fever and cough call the doctor immediately. It sort of freaked me out. I went onto the CDC website which stated an emergency symtom is when a cough and fever returns. I found a way to email my doctor which was free but limited to 500 words. She got back to me right away and said if a fever persists come into the office. But I don't have a fever today. Should I go? I feel fine enough. My chest is a little tight with a cough. Why does all of this happen to me now. When my health insurance is shitty. If I knew I would only have a small co-pay I would go. Do you see what this healthcare system is doing to people? When they might actually need to see the doctor they dont. It really is a health care system for rich people. I hate it.

I was on the phone with my insurance company (blue shield) for almost an hour yesterday. They just frustrate me and by the end of the phone call I wanted to tell them to "fuck off."

On top of being sick my doctor wants me to get an echocardiogram for a heart murmor. This is pretty much the only thing that came out of my $88 doctor's apt. Oh but the echocardiogram costs $2000 unless insurance covers it. Since I have a pretty much emergency plan I called insurance yesterday to find out how I can switch to a plan that will cover the test. They told me none of their plans will because it is pre-existing. I tell them well they have been my insurance company since I was a baby and just because I am on my own plan and not my parents now, that doesn't mean I have been on their company. THey have received insurance money for me my whole life. How can this be pre-existing and they wont cover it, if they are the only ones who have covered me?! Seriously. Idiots.

I just want to get better. It is so frustrating when you feel fine enough, but not normal enough. I can't stand resting. I need to do things. I started running this last weekend (probably not a good idea since I still had a cough) but it is something I am excited about and want to do. I need to work so I can make money to pay the health insurance companies that wont completely pay for me. It is such a terrible cycle. Our government is so screwed up in many ways. I think I just need to not stress about it. The more I stress, the worse I get. If I am positive I'll recover, right?

This weekend Mendocino! I am super excited and hope for lots of mushrooms.

Karma and Kittens

2009-11-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

So much for flu shoots...I'm sick as a dog. Congestion, muscle aches, chills, cough, shortness of breath...the whole shabang. It better just be a cold and not swine flu. The muscle pains and shortness of breath scare me the most. And I have not had a beer for 48 hours...something is def. not right with me. :)

Besides working 70 hours over the last two weeks and getting sick, I also walk dogs. Mostly my morning dog walks contain strolls and ball throwing around the neighborhood. Like today. Since I wasn't feeling too hot I had to make my way through the streets. I tell Jaime to "leave it" and sam to "heel." A woman watches me from her front porch and tells me "You are talking to them like they are two year olds." I reply, "There isn't much of a difference between two year olds and dogs." She didn't reply to that. Perhaps she thought I was crazy. Little does she know I work with a bunch of two years olds (and like kids, don't mean it as degrading human kind) and my dogs are like my children.

Yesterday when I was feeling slightly ill, but better than today I took the dogs for a morning walk out by putah creek near the University airport. I love this area of davis because the creek is clear, you can't hear cars, and there is nature around you. I usually can't walk the dogs here during the months of April-October, because of foxtails...so yesterday was their first walk there since March. While walking them in the morning I noticed 4 tiny kittens playing on the trail right next to the parking lot. I thought it odd that they just stayed in the parking lot. If they were feral cats they would be more off the trail and deeper in nature. It just didn't seem right. They were all fancy colors too- bright orange and black calico, gray with tan stripes. They looked domesticated to me. I walked the dogs and they were still there, in the parking lot, waiting. No mother cat was in sight. I went to work and kept thinking of them. I am not a cat person by any means but these kittens really called to me. I took an hour off work and went back, without dogs, to go and find them. They were still there. Same spot. I tried picking them up but they ran...not far...they kept on staying near the parking lot. I couldn't get close enough to grab them. I went back to work and told my mom and Reagan. They were so tiny and helpless out there. During our lunch breaks the three of us go back. We figure three people might have a chance to catch them. No luck. These kittens are frisky. They watch us and run into bramble, then come back out. Third time out and no luck. We start calling feral cat society and the SPCA. No one can help because of budget cuts. I just stay at work and worry about them as it gets darker. They are so helpless and tiny. They don't know nature and the wild. At 6pm my mom and I leave work and say well let's just see if they are still out there. We drive through utter darkness and sure enough we can see their little ears and eyes waiting in the parking lot. Over 12 hours and they stayed in the same place. There is also a fox that runs by. First time I saw a fox in Davis and the kittens are perfect pray for it. We decide at this point we need nets, food, crate. The hunt continues.

The 5th time out to try and catch the cats (I can't help at this point because the sickness hits and hard)...but Reagan and Lisa are sucessful. They catch one by throwing a blanket over it. They patiently wait for 2 and a half hours before catching it. The others get away.

All day I think about the remaining kittens and worry. After work I drive back out there and there is no sign of them. I hope they were caught by another friendly citizen and not eaten by foxes. I am angry at the idiots who just dumped them out there.

On a positive note as I was walking to work today I found $33 on the ground. I felt guilty taking the money but after an effort of looking around, couldn't find the owner. I figured this was meant to be. It's called karma. This must be what I get for helping helpless kittens for hours.

The one that made it and went to the vet today:

What's your Beer Personality?

2009-11-04T19:36:00.000-08:00

Here is a pretty funny email forward (I usually don't like email forwards or spend time reading them) from one of my friends....rules- just by looking at the name of the beer choose the one you would pick at a bar/party/home. Then read the description...it is supposed to describe your personality. I would choose a craft beer and I'd say it describes my personality pretty dead center.

BUDWEISER
True to form, Bud drinkers are sensible, grounded and practical. They are the polar opposite of daydreamers and don't easily get carried away. These beer drinkers also don't like authority—can anyone say union?—and are emotionally steady people who live in the here and now. However, what may be a bit surprising is that people who prefer Bud can also be very spontaneous and tend not to do much advance planning.

Budweiser drinkers are 42% more likely to drive a truck than the average person, 68% more likely to choose a credit card with flexible payment terms and 42% more likely to use breath-freshening strips every day.

BUD LIGHT
Are Bud Light drinkers just Bud guzzlers on a diet? Not a chance. Bud Light personalities actually skew quite different from their more-caloric sibling. Keep in mind, this was the beer choice for President Barack Obama during his so-called "Beer Summit" this summer when he invited police officer James Crowley and Harvard professor Henry Gates over to the White House for a beer and a make-up chat. (The cop chose Blue Moon and the professor selected Red Stripe.)

Bud Light drinkers profile as lacking in carefulness. They are grounded like their Bud brethren, but respect authority. Bud Lighters can also have frat boy-like personalities, particularly when it comes to personal risk-taking. In regard to others, these good-time guys and gals are accepting of most everyone and generally easy to get along with.

Bud Light drinkers are also 48% more likely than the average person to play the lottery every day and 34% more likely to never buy organic products.

MICHELOB ULTRA
Have you seen the 2008 TV spot that's still on about the hip, handsome young male executive dashing out of a meeting to put on running gear? He meets up with an equally fetching athletically garbed woman for an inner-city run before both magically change into trendy threads and hit a fabulously decorated rooftop-bar party with even more young and beautiful friends—all drinking Michelob Ultra, of course. Every personality trait Mindset Media came up with appears there.

Michelob Ultra drinkers rate high in superiority; that is, they think highly of themselves and can be a little bit conceited. They care what other people think about them and want to appear perfect. They also tend to be take-charge types with strong opinions, and can even be confrontational. Michelob Ultra drinkers are 43% more likely than the average person to consider sustainability a priority, and 34% more likely to buy life insurance.

CORONA
"Where's the party?" is probably an oft-asked question by Corona and Corona Light drinkers. They are busy and energetic people who are also extremely extroverted. They're people persons who seek out the company of others whether in a group or just one-to-one. Corona drinkers do more and see more people in one day than most people see in a week. But the life-of-the-party Corona drinkers also have an altruistic side; they care deeply about other people and see themselves as giving and warm.

Corona drinkers are 91% more likely than average to buy recycled products and 38% more likely to own three or more flat-screen TVs.

HEINEKEN
There's a slang term that could sum up Heineken drinkers: posers. These self-assured people believe they are exceptional, get low scores on modesty and high scores on self-esteem. They love their brand badges—a role the distinctive green glass bottle may play—and in fact, this group is attracted to luxury products in general. They are also energetic and dynamic and enjoy being both the center of attention and in the middle of the action.

People who choose Heineken as their favorite beer are 58% more likely to have American Express cards, 45% more likely to be early adopters of new mobile phones, and 29% more likely to drive sports cars.

BLUE MOON
The personality traits of people who prefer Blue Moon, a Belgian style wheat beer, tracked similarly to the same type of people who prefer craft beers—which means Blue Moon drinkers probably don't know it's a Molson Coors Brewing Co. family product made in Colorado.

Blue Moonies are socially liberal and usually quite willing to go against convention. They really hate moral authorities, and believe children should be exposed to moral dilemmas and allowed to come to their own conclusions. They can also be sarcastic and snide in order to get a point across.

People who drink Blue Moon beer are 105% more likely than the average person to drive hybrid cars, 77% more likely to own Apple Mac laptops, 65% more likely to purchase five pairs or more of sneakers every year, and 32% more likely to not be registered voters.

CRAFT BEERS
These specialty made beers get lumped into one category both because there are fewer fans (and thus less statistically significant data) of them, but also because the personalities of one type fairly well describe another. This group is more likely to spend time thinking about beer rather than work. They are more open-minded than most people, seek out interesting and varied experiences and are intellectually curious. Craft-beer drinkers also skew as having a lower sense of responsibility—they don't stress about missed deadlines and tend to be happy-go-lucky about life.

Craft-beer lovers are 153% more likely to always buy organic, 52% more likely to be fans of the show "The Office" and 36% more likely to be the ones to choose the movie they are going to see at the theater.

ABSTAINERS
It probably doesn't take a psychographic profile to discover that those people who refuse to drink beer at all don't like to loosen up very much. They are socially conservative and see many issues as black and white. Teetotalers honor tradition and authority and prefer a less-hectic social life.

Getting Older

2009-10-30T14:25:00.000-07:00

It is funny how when you are young you impatiently count the days till your next Birthday, but when you get older you start to count how many days you have left before you have to add another year to your age. I can't really tell when or what year it is that I started not really thinking Birthdays are a big deal. I get excited about Christmas and the holidays more so than my birthday (I look forward to lots of family, good food, and drink). This year I am counting the days to Palina's Birthday (big 21!) and didn't for my own. There is just a point in your life when your birthday doesn't feel like the birthday's and excitement you had as a kid. I don't mean to sound down and depressed about it, because I am not. I just like to have a low-key day doing the things I like best. Which is exactly what I did this year.

I woke up at exactly 2:50 am on my Birthday morning. Totally by accident and I don't usually ever wake-up in the middle of the night. I looked at the clock and thought, 26 years ago I was only 4 minutes old. Crazy how I woke up at almost the exact time I was born. I always love moments like this and think they are special- things happen for a reason. After combing my hair in the dark for any gray hair, I crashed out again until the actual morning...when I was awaken by my favorite Peets Coffee Pumpkin spice latte and a new season of Weeds on DVD from Lisa. For those of you who don't know...Weeds is my all time favorite show and has BRILLIANT writers.

I took Wednesday off work, along with Lisa who wanted to take me to Santa Cruz. I really love Santa Cruz and appreciate it so much more that I don't live there anymore. Every time I visit I explore places I never knew existed when I was living there. We started the day by enjoyed nature in Henry Cowell Redwood State Park. I love the smell of redwoods and the ferns that grow underneath them. Being in the redwood forest reminded me how much I love nature and depend on it to be happy. I walked through the forest and realized one thing that is good about older (non kid) birthdays is that you can walk through nature and appreciate it, this life, that I have and was given because of my parents. The forest was practically empty (thanks to it being a work-day in the middle of the work-week) which was nice. We only ran into a few deer here and there.

After a few hours of hiking we made our way to Seabright Brewery for lunch and beer tasting. I had the Pelican Pale Ale which is the brewey's signature brew. It was probably the weirdest pale ale I have ever had. Very straw-like and it had a hoppy kick to it. It tasted like a wheat beer with extra hops. It was odd. Not a mixture I was expecting. Of course the Blur was what won my heart. The brewery describes it as: "A tradition IPA. Although golden in color this is not a light beer. With more than 65 bittnerness units its got a bite to it. This is a very agressive tasting beer." It was delicious and went really nicely with my black bean burger and fries. I ended up buying my first growler filled with it to bring home to share with my Pop. It is always amusing to me when I buy the most hoppy beer and the reactions I get. The waitress asked me if I wanted a smaller size? And gave me a look, like are you sure? It is bitter. And it was bitter. A perfect birthday brew.

Bellies full and head spinning a full buzz- Lisa took me to the Teahouse Spa for an hour soak in a hottub with tea and sauna. It was so relaxing and one of my favorite places and memories of Santa Cruz (from when I lived there). Soaking in the tub I felt like this was the most relaxed I ever could be. i also fell in love with their lavendar shampoo that is locally made in Santa Cruz.

After the hottubs we had to go back to the brewery, because in my buzzed state I realized I forgot my sunglasses there. Found the sunglasses and drove to the next brewery...but on the way stopped at the beach. We noticed the beach was empty (no one). This was the most empty I have ever seen the beach in Santa Cruz. So we broke the leash laws and let Jaime run in the waves and dig in the sand. The sky was so clear and the air so fresh. I ran like a kid across the beach and thought age is so over-rated. I felt so lucky to be able to experience my two favorite things in nature all in one day: redwoods and ocean.

We stopped at Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery which was in a warehouse and all local. I was disapointed in their IPA after my Blur. But was excited about the strawberry cupcakes from the bakery next door. We ended our day in Santa Cruz with a stop at Patagonia where I got a new capilene shirt for those cold nights sleeping in the tent. There was a little traffic on the way home, but we amused ourselves by making words out of business signs: Nagina Travels became Vagina Travels. And once again I was reminded I might be 26 but I still have the humor of a junior high kid.

I ended the night having a special dinner with my family (I missed Palina though) and was so excited to see my Pop got me that special Estate brew from Sierra Nevada. Can't wait to try it. It was probably what I wanted most of all.

So even though I am a year older- I am happy to be experiencing and living life. I feel thankful for all the people close to me in my life- friends and family alike. I feel so loved and grateful. Being 25 was a good year- I wrote a thesis, got a masters, had good beer, good laughs, adventures, and went to the motherland, Russia. I grew-up in some ways, I hope, and experienced tons of good times with family and friends. Life is good. I can't wait for another year of memories.

The Places We Call Home

2009-10-15T11:34:00.001-07:00

Ever since I have been back from Russia I fell into a sort of funk. I was homesick for a country and place I had a strong connection with. Over the years I have come to know myself as someone who doesn't like change and cannot stand the idea of moving away unless I am completely comfortable with the place. I have felt this comfortableness with very few places in my lifetime-Mendocino, Davis, Seattle, and now Moscow. It is something hard to describe to people and hard for others to understand. I even have a hard time understanding myself- why these places? I mean I travel to Costa Rica, Canada, Boston, and many other places...I love each vacation and trip and place and memories formed from these places, but I never feel a yearning for them like I do for my top favorite places. As a way to try and understand place and why, I have been thinking alot about identies and who are we based on the places we connect to or live in. I mean, luckily, I was able to do a whole thesis on this topic and explore it through creative stories rather than research and academic articles. I was able to create fictional characters to figure out why they do what they do and who they are based on their locations. My thesis and stories allowed me to put my questions and ideas on the page, but conclusions still seem far off, like a journey that may never end until life does. Do we feel connected to the places based on only certain experiences? That doesn't make sense. I mean one of the coolest things I have ever seen in my life were breaching humpback whales (only feet away from a boat) in the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Boston. or Oktoberfest in Munich- no party or beer could amount to this event. These experiences have not pushed me to want to live in Boston or Munich. Could it be the homely experiences that bring comfort? Sitting in a Moscow Apt. while it rains outside, with a beer and good music? Or being able to eaisly navigate in the dark through my old room/child-home house in Davis while there is a power-outage? Or listening to the ocean waves while enjoyed a coconut latte at Moodies in Mendocino? Or instead of the small comfortable experiences, could it be the people? Family that is there to take shots of vodka with you in Seattle, or family to go mushroom hunting with in mendocino? This last weekend I went to visit Palina in San Luis Opisbo and I think I really needed to. Ever since spending a few days with my little sister I have felt so much better about being back in California. I remembered how hard it is to be away from people you have a strong connection with. I wished she lived closer to me so we could laugh about the small things in life and enjoy dog expeditions together. So is it the people that allow us to yearn and connect to the places? Or could it be the challenges and outcomes we experience at a place? Like graduating from college (twice) while working harder than ever in my life in Davis? Or learning the small things in Russia- like reading metro signs or ordering a beer in Russian?
Place.
It has to be one of my favorite words, because of all the unanswered questions running through my mind everyday.

A Country Worth Meeting

2009-10-03T14:10:00.000-07:00

After Saint Petersburg, coming back to Moscow felt like I was coming back to a familiar place that grew on me- a place I once was shocked by, I felt welcomed by. In our last week we relaxed more, took a break from tourist monuments and did everyday things- went to grocery stores, rode the metro over a dozen times, went to a mall, drank more beer, visited with family, and caught up on sleep. Every night before bed time I would study the Russian alphabet and whisper the sounds of the letters outloud. On the metro, walking through the city, and while in the grocery store I would put the sounds of letters together to read the words. Learning to read at least a limited amount in the last week made me feel as accomplished as finishing my 162 page thesis. The challenge of learning to say the words was only half the work. The words I could now semi-pronouce were unfamiliar to me- a vocabulary that became a new challenge to understand and learn. In my last week in Moscow I grew so excited and passionate about learning a language that seemed to daunting and intimidating in the first week. On my last day in the city- I felt brave enough to take the metro without my mom's translating help and even ordered two beers byself from a kiosk on the street. It might seem like a silly task- but the kiosks sell row of beers from behind a window. It is not like a grocery store where you can choose your bottle and take it up to the register to be rung up. You have to stick your head into the window of the kiosk and say the name of the beer, how many, and if you prefer it in a bottle or can. All of which I was able to do and then skip my way back to the embassy.

While I spent my last week focusing on the language, I also found myself finding comfort in the rushed city filled with unhelpful people. I started to notice Russians who all seemed to only reply in "niyet" and a head shake, were offering directions. Cars in the busy city traffic that would pummel any pedestrian that stupidly stepped into the streets were stopping to let people pass. I started to realize this busy and harsh city is really warm with a nice kick or punch to it. I started to relate to the fast pace and realize at home when I loose my patience with long lines, traffic, slow walkers or bike riders- it is really the Russian in me talking.

I spent time learning more about my Russian family- I met my mom's cousin's daughter Dasha, and her three young children. The youngest, Liza, who was eight told me she will teach me Russian. She is going to mail me letters she will cut out herself and words that start with each letter. I also grew closer to the "American" family and was able to watch Stefan quickly learn to ride a ripstick, along with listen to him recite memorized poetry (not at the same time, although maybe next time I will ask him to recite the poetry while on the ripstick). I had an amazing time talking to Dina about fashion, music, art, and connect on humorous level about the challenges of different Countries. Peter and I were able to go with my Pop to Tinkhoff a Russian brewrey that brewed its own beer there. We were hoping to finally get the hoppy stuff we were missing back at home, but found the Russians strictly brew pilsners (I had an unfiltered pilsner that was quite good) and lagers. I grew to feel at home in Peter and Dina's cozy apartment. The warmth, good food and drink, wonderful company, and laughs made me feel like I had just as much family in Russia as I do here, in Davis, the place I feel so tied too.

In our last days we went to izmaylovo (a Russian flea market of sorts that had artists selling things, and Russians selling antiques and items from the war that carried a weight and story that felt heavy). I was able to buy hand carved and painted matroyshkas like I have never seen before, cute antique postcards from the 50s and have writing still on them, a few other small things to bring home, and of course, I bargained to get some fur tails for the dogs. No one would believe me I would do it from the guy selling fur hats, but I felt like he might have some tails. Sure enough he had a black garabage bag full of them and to my surprise he accepted my deal of $1 each. After our big day of shopping we had the daunting task of trying to figure out how to pack everything back into our suitcases. Not only was it a hard task, but we were going to smuggle alot of things across customs- so hiding these items and deciding what the stories were going to be if we got caught were part of the challenge. Luckily we made it through customs with 6 bottles of vodka (well over the limit), fur tails, antiques that were not supposed to leave the country, and black caviar that we accepted as a gift from Nina's Maxime hours before the flight. As I walked through the Russian airport and security asked me "Have you accepted a gift from anyone while staying here in Russia?" I said no, like any good Russian would, and wished I could tell the security officer that the biggest gift I accepted was connecting to your country on so many different levels.

It has almost been a week since I have been home and I have been trying to write everyday but couldn't. I felt sick and like part of me was still left in Russia. My mind was numb and my head cloudy. I couldn't adapt back to this time and never had this problem before. It was like jetlag that never would get better. It was almost a heartache for a country I wish wasn't half way around the world from me.

The Davis streets that are usually so crowded at this time of year with all the students back, feel deserted. The signs that I now can read, feel dull and boring. The people in the grocery stores and airports all feel like they are going to slow. The hoppy beer that I drank like water now feels more bitter than ever. The english being spoken around me blurs together into sounds I no longer try to make out. The escalators at the airport feel slow and skinny.

I know every time you travel you grow as a person, but this Russia trip was huge for me. Maybe it is because I am in a point in my life where everything seems uncertain. But in Russia I learned two of the most important things I need right now in my life- bravery and courage. Costa Rica was an adventure with lots of memories. Germany was a beautiful country with amazing beer- that will always be one of my favorite places on earth. Russia was where I went to become brave and couragous. Through my connections with the culture, the people, my heritage and mom's memories- I have learned that the world is at my finger tips and is waiting for me to go explore it.

Wanderers

2009-09-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

After watching Russians drink in the streets, in the trains, and in the park - we decided we had to fit in. It started on the train (beers) that we took to find Peterhof Palace and Park which looks out into the Baltic sea/Bay of Finland. We found ourselves lost. Without a map everything is disorienting and when we try to buy a map they are all out. I am usually good with directions, but since everything is written in the Russian alphabet I feel just as lost as everyone else. I think of last season on the Amazing Race (my favorite TV show) where the racers complained that Russia was the hardest country to find their way though. We finally get off the train or elektrechka, which ended up being fun to take because we past through the country side. When we get off and try to ask for help everything is: I don't know or no. Russia is a country of stern people. I love the country, don't get me wrong, but people don't help you here like they do anywhere else. When you go too slow they tell you to go faster. When you are lost they tell you to get lost. When you are bare-handed they tell you to find a bottle.

Off the train the stop looks wrong: a few apartment buildings rise next to sparse forest and meadows. Dogs sun themselves in group and a woman walks her cow on a rope. We find a bus and ask the driver how we can get to Peterhof. He tells us to get on. We do, without knowing the stop or where exactly the bus is going. After a ride back in the direction we came from on the train, we find a huge palace and crowds of people. A quick walk around the palace is all we need- we came here for the sea. The park around the palace costs $9 to get in. We say forget it and walk down the street, past the fence of the park and older buidlings. Brides walk by yelling in Russian on their cell phones, Russian teenagers laugh and drink beer while enjoying the clear weather. We hit the end of the road and find a smaller local park that is next to Peterhof. We walk through it and finally find the sea. The trees open up onto a small beach that is mostly rocks and corse sand. The water is cold. We watch some Russians fishing. Peter asks what kind they are catching. They reply, "all kinds." We then watch teenage boys chug their beers and run into the freezing water. In the distance we can see Petersburg and other islands, maybe Finland. We are still disoriented.

Once we find the train station- after a nice walk through birch forests that are changing colors and purchasing some red russian berries from a Babushka- we catch the train in just the last minute. Driving back through the countryside we make our way to Saint Petersburg to look for food. Peter recommends a Georgian resuarant that we happily agree on. I have never had Georgian food. On the walk over we stop at a street vendor and buy real baltic amber jewelry for dirt cheap, but the restuarant is the true highlight of the day. It is a small place, that looks to be family owned. The paintings inside make you feel like you stepped off the cold Russian streets into a heated bright colored country. My mom is mostly excited they make their own home-made georgian wine. She orders a pitcher which they serve in a clay pitcher. The food then comes- georgian salad (almost like a greek salad but with more garlic and nuts), then stuffed bell pepers and eggplant (stuffed with a nut puree), and then i had potatoes with wild chanterelles. It was all delicous. My mom and Peter enjoy the wine so much that they ask if they can bring some home. The waiter runs down into the basement (where the kitchen is located) and pours them 2 liters of homemade wine in a coca-cola bottle. As Peter says, "The best Coca-Cola I ever had." We enjoy Saint Petersburg at night and make our way back to our hotel.

The next day I started to feel a little sick. So many people smoke so I almost thought it was an allergy, but today I def. feel worse (congestion, tight chest, sore throat). A common cold. I try not to let it get in the way of things though. We spend our final half day walking around older Saint Petersburg, looking at all the old buildings that withstood the war. They are not as polished as the palaces or churches and this intrigues me more. The cracks and chipped paint is beautiful to me. We eat lunch at an Austrian bakery and make our way back to the airport. I take my happy pill that calms me and puts me to sleep on the ride back to Moscow. It takes us longer to get from the airport to Peter and Dina's apartment in the traffic, but once we do I fall asleep early.

Today I tried to rest alot and had a low-key day. I went to Gorky park for a short walk and to a Russian bookstore where I purchased Russian childrens books that i might be able to read at one point. The bookstore had two stories and had any type of book you were looking for, in addition to school supplies, frames, cds. movies, puzzles, and craft supplies. There were also stuffed dead animals here and there. A dead stuffed squirell staring back at you in the childrens section might make you jump at first glance. This is Russia afterall...

Saint Petersburg

2009-09-19T12:16:00.001-07:00

Most my favorite authors and many books that I enjoy all take place in Saint Petersburg. I wasn’t going to pass-up a trip to the former city of Leningrad while being in Russia. When plans fell through my mom’s Russian family booked us a fancy hotel in the center of Saint Petes. In addition they got us plane tickets on a Russian commuter plane that would take us one hour and ten minutes from Moscow to Saint Petersburg. I wasn’t excited to get on another plane, but after popping a xanax I didn’t mind taking a bus into the middle of the airport to load into a smaller plane through stairs. When we took off the whole think shook and I fell asleep. Thank god for medication. As soon as we checked into our hotel we went to find food. I suggested the Idiot Café (created after Dostoevsky’s novel- The Idiot) and we found it after a few circles through town. We had probably one of the best meals in Russia yet. I had potato filled pliminy with wild mushroom sauce. My mom had, and I tasted, fried potatoes and wild forest mushrooms. WE had huge glasses of beer and complimentary free vodka shots (we toasted to Palina and such a cool person she is). After feeling warm and fuzzy we hit the city streets.

We circled streets more- lost (the vodka in our blood didn’t help) looking for Nabokov’s house/museum. I finally found it (right behind our hotel) and we got tickets. The museums all have two ticket prices: for Russians and foreigners. My mom does a good job as coming off as Russian- they give her the Russian price and me the student price. My poor Pop doesn’t pass and they charge him the American price. I think it is the baggy pants and American brewery shirts. Once we got into Nabokov’s house (it is three stories but only one was open to public) I felt inspired by his brilliance. It was amazing to see his butterfly collections, typewriter, and pencils. After visiting his house I found a bookstore and bought Lolita (one of my all time favorite novels) in Russian. I can’t read it, but it feels special to have one of my favorite novels in the original language of its author. Afterwards we hit the streets went to a Russian bakery, had a beer in the street, and walked around the Church of spilled blood. Saint Petersburg has so many more tourists than Moscow. The dress is more casual, but the cigarette smoking seemed intensified. It reminds me a lot of Paris. The old buildings make me close my eyes and try to imagine the stories and history behind them. There is a lot of graffiti and crumbling down buildings. I learn the Russian word for dick thanks to the graffiti. My younger cousin somehow- he is my mom’s cousin’s son- told us Saint Petersburg is beautiful but a sad city. He warned us before coming that the city has a sad energy surrounding it because of everything it has gone through during the war times. He claims there is bad karma here. I feel the sadness under the layers of tourists and cigarette smoke. After the first day I feel more connected to Moscow (probably because of my family) but enjoyed St. Petes.

Today we had a lazy morning and left via metro, then bus to the outskirts of Saint Petersburg for some much needed nature. We made our way out to Pavlova Park and forest. It took almost one hour and a half, but I enjoyed watching the countryside and imagining the battles fought on this land. Once in the park we enjoyed some much needed nature. We walked through small trails, hunted for mushrooms (no luck) and watched the fall colors change on the trees. It rained off and on through the day- bringing less people out and more beauty. Locals walked their dogs through the small trails and tourists took horse drawn carriages through the more traveled paths. We took small trails into the woods and were the only ones at moments. We had two men approach us in the woods and said- “I know you are from here because you don’t have a bottle of something in your hands.” We find out one of the guys is the theatre technician for the Matrinsky ballet. We ask him if he is hunting for mushrooms and he replies that he is only here to drink. Russians sure like their alcohol. The park is beautiful- birch trees, linden trees, and a beer garden. There are lots of people taking wedding pictures and wedding parties drinking vodka and singing in the park. When we were finding our way out of the park we see a couple walk off the path into the forest(not far off). The man drops his pants and while peeing on a tree his partner (wearing stiletto heels in the woods) slides down an embankment and falls flat on her face. She lies silently in the mud for a moment and then says “Nichevo Strashnavo.” Which translates to “Nothing Scary,” and gets up. Only in Russia will you see women in stilettos falling in the woods. We joked that the bus will now charge her the higher rate- they have a regular rate and a higher rate if your clothes are dirty. We make our way back to Saint Petersburg on the train and then metro. We buy blueberries and salad from a babushka on the street and then have a delicious dinner in the hotel. I tried studying the Russian alphabet and have high hopes of learning more and more of the language that connects me to my heritage.

Adapting to the Moscow Life

2009-09-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

You think our government is corupt- welcome to Russia.

Russia has adapted so much of the Western Capitalism, yet they are still holding on strong to their Soviet ways. Stalin's Seven Sisters (some of the tallest buildings in Moscow) rise above everything else- the hammer and sicle constantly reminding you of the icons during the times. It seems like a majority of the men here still cut their hair in the soviet mullet. You tend to walk or drive the streets and fear the police more so than criminals. Moscow supposidly has an entire underground section- with roads and rivers and bunkers- that is completely secret and off-limits. Who knows what goes on down there. My great uncle who faught in world war two and was injured is treated above anyone else in Moscow. When we went to museums today he gets in free to anything and doesn't have to wait in lines. He asked the guard where to the park the car and the guard told him to drive it onto the sidewalk right in front of the gate of the museum. He reassured my great uncle that he would watch over it while we were inside. Sure enough he paced the car until we returned. Guarded it like it was royalty....because my great uncle was associated with the Soviet Government at a time.

Some more history I am learning from my family- My Dedushka's father (my great grandpa) and his brother worked for the government/Stalin. They lived in one of the Seven Sister's (an apt. building at the time). Because Stalin was so worried about traitors he deemed my great grandfather as a traitor. He sent his men to come and remove my great grandfather. He was never heard from again. They banished my dedushka, his sister (my aunt we are visiting) and their mother to a village. Shortly after my great grandmother grew ill and died- leaving my dedushka and my great aunt orphans. They decided to come back to Moscow and jumped onto a cargo train. My aunt said she remembers the bombs going off in the country side while taking the train. She would lay on top of my dedushka (who was 5 years old) and protect him as they made their way to the city. They found their way back to Stalin's Seven Sister Apt building and asked their uncle to take them in. He did for a short time but told them they had to leave, he didn't want anything to do with them because they were labeled as children of a traitor. This was the government during World War II.

Skip ahead to the 70s. When my dedushka decided to escape from Russia with my mom, uncle, and my Babushka. When they finally escaped the KGB showed up at my Great Aunt's door. (these are details added to the previous story). They took her away. For four days they imprisoned her and who knows what else they did to her. Probably torture- emotional at least. They told her she had to bring my mom's family back or they would take away her job. At the time she was the main architect designing the Russian White House (huge building you can see outside Dina and Peter's apt.) She was meant to win awards for the building. But she didn't tell them where my mom's family was. So they returned her to her husband but took away her job (scratched her name from the awards and lists of architects like she never existed). Since this experience she has never been the same person. Only she knows what went on during those 4 days with the KGB.

Moscow is a huge city. But as I uncover my family's history, I feel like I can look at the buildings around me and they are all connected to me. It feels small in many ways. Along with the stories I am learing, I tend to do touristy things...

Yesterday we found the Literature Cafe. The literature Cafe is a small place that is like a restuarant/museum. You walk into a dungeon of sorts into an underground area that has some original books. They serve beer and typical Russian food. I walked through the cafe (multiple rooms) and imagined the writers that hid there during the war to write their masterpieces. After that we went to visit Moscow University. I couldn't get inside because everything is guarded. My cousin tells me there was a bombing in the Moscow Metro years back and since then every building is highly protected. It was still a beautiful campus (the place my grandparents went) and the forests and river around it made me feel connected to nature. It was quiet and a nice break from the city streets.

Today we went to Novodevichy cemetery and convent (from the 1500s). The cemetery was beautiful- fall colors in the trees, headstones like statues. I felt honored to visit Chekov and Gogol's graves. There were also famous ballerinas which reminded me of Lisa. And lots of historical people- like Stalin's wife who he shot when she was 31. The church had real gold on it. It was breath taking. After the cemetery and convent we headed to the Tretyakov Art Gallery where my mom went as a child. The paintings were breath-taking. I couldn't take pictures inside and it was impossible to sneak (guards sat in every small room). But the paintings were beyond words- history, landscapes, portraits. All Russian artists. My mom showed me the same room she enjoyed to sit in as a child. It probably was the best room (no bias) but the nature paintings were amazing. The detail and brushstrokes so well ahead of their times. Enjoying good art makes me have butterflies in my chest.

After the gallery (we did a ton today) Dina wanted to take me to a Russian mall. A real Russian experience. It was intense but so worth it and tons of fun. Women crowded around $300 shoes and $1000 fur coats. I tried on some real tight Russian jeans- with accesorized zippers and all. I felt Russian momentarily and then decided it was in my blood and I am always Russian. I don't need the dress to show it. Dina and I made it back on our own through the city (I was proud of us-with the limited Russian) and then got off the metro. We saw the best Russian dress (too funny for words) of the day: a woman, probably mid 50s in a full blown unitard like suit (all one peice and long sleeve, long legs) tight as heck....and leopord print. Of course coupled with heels. If I had my camera out I would have snuck a picture. We ended the day buying two beers for $1.50 from a street kiosk. Couldn't be better.

Tomorrow we fly to Saint Petersburg. When it is quiet at night or when I am in the shower. I close my eyes and only hear Russian....

Day Two and Three

2009-09-16T00:15:00.001-07:00

After being so tired the day before- sleeping through the night and adjusting to the 11 hour time difference didn’t seem like such a challenge. I woke up on the second day feeing like I had the best sleep of my life. After a lazy morning Peter met us and took us to have piroshki inside a church. They cost less than a dollar each and were stuffed with cabage or potatoes. Probably the best piroshki I have ever had. After a filling lunch we had our first metro express to my mom’s uncle and aunt’s apt. The metro station is really fancy here. Once you get under-ground you can purchase anything from beer and cigarettes, to toys and trinkets, to lacy underwear. It reminded me of the underground fuzganger zones in Germany. Each metro station is different. The one we went to had chandeliers and marble like floors. Paintings hung on walls. Peter told us it was build by Stalin’s architects as a bunker of sorts.

Taking the metro was a breeze with my mom’s Russian and Peter’s experience and Russian. Once we arrive at my aunt and uncle’s we are faced with more food: home-made dolmas, more soup, bread, eggplant dish, dessert. I don’t want to be rude and they keep piling my plate, so I eat till I feel sick. My parent’s joke I look three months pregnant and will have a food baby. After a huge second lunch my mom’s cousin takes us out of the city. First we go to Catherine the Great’s Dacha and park. Since it was a Monday we couldn’t go inside (all museums are closed then), but we were able to walk around the park, enjoy the woods, and the amazing buildings. I was shocked by how many kids there were. Russians do not hesitate to take their children outside. We order Kvas (drink made from Rye bread and sugar) and walk around the park some more. On our way back into the city we stop at the park/ground where Ivan the Terrible has a church and the small village. There was a beautiful apply orchard with delicious green apples.

Once we get back into the car we hit the most terrible bumper-to-bumper traffic. Since I have been stuffing myself all day my stomach now presses against my bladder and makes me need to pee. I try to hold it, but I have never had to pee so badly in my life and feel like I will pee in the car. I jump out of the car, dodge through traffic, my dad runs after me and we only find over ten feet of Kremlin wall around us. I run into the park and every bush seems to have a kissing couple under it. I ask my dad to find out where a bathroom is. He finally asks a woman who ignores him (Later we find out my dad asked the woman where the ladies make-up room is). Once I finally find it I pee all over the place. It was so embarrassing it was hilarious. We finally get out of the park and are faced with huge Moscow streets packed with traffic. How we will find the car is beyond me. But luckily, within 5 minutes, I spot it pulled over in front of Lenin’s Library under a HUGE Lenin statue with emergency brakes flashing. We have to go back underground to cross the street and emerge by the car to find out my mom’s cousin went to look for us without a cell phone. Probably ½ a million people are in the park. My mom is sitting in the passenger seat of the car- eyes wide- Lenin loaming over it all as the sun it setting. We call Peter (who is waiting for us with Dinner) and tell him we have a situation. He is relieved our situation doesn’t involve police or arrest. Finally, Garick finds his way back to the car and we all laugh at the ridiculous situation. We end day two with yummy Russian beers and a good night’s sleep.

We have a lazy morning on the third day and make our way through the city to an old Soviet restaurant (decorated with Lenin statues and the typical Hammer and Sickle). We order a huge lunch ($17 for four people) of cheboureki (stuffed with mushrooms and potatoes) and unfiltered Siberian Corona. Probably the best thing I have ever had. While we are eating we notice people in work suits getting a quick bite to eat and drink (most of them have a beer or share a bottle of vodka before returning to work). As we are leaving one of the men who just downed half a bottle of vodka comes up to us and asks if we are german. For some reason I am always mistaken as german in foreign countries. We reply American and he tells us he has a souvenir for us that is so special we wouldn’t believe it (he is telling this all in Russian). He pulls from his satchel, wrapped in newspaper, a pinecone and hands it to my mom- from Siberia he tells us and gives it to her. Then he continues on to tell us that he was in the army – a solider. And he doesn’t understand why there are so many black people (most likely triggered since we said we are American and mostly Obama comes to mind). He says- one or two are ok, but more just means there is more crime. Russia is a pretty raciest country. We leave and thank him from the pine-cone. Making our way to the grocery store. I am shocked by how cheap vodka is here- $4-$6 for an average bottle. Beer is just over a dollar for a larger bottle. A box of tea is $1. Some things in Moscow are cheap, but do not be fooled- coffee costs about $6 a latte.

After my first Russian grocery store experience my mom tells us she knows we are close to her old neighborhood and we make our way through the city streets to find her old apartment. It is amazing how much she remembers. Without ever taking a wrong turn she leads us straight to the windows of her old apartment. It is an emotional moment and we all stare up at the second story windows that where my mom grew up. I watch and remember the story where my mom’s childhood dog almost falls out the window after the cat she chased out the window. My mom watches the apartment in silence and I can only feel her energy and imagine what she is experiencing after 34 years of leaving the place in a rush- with nothing. I get teary eyed and feel so lucky to be here, standing next to my mom, re-visiting the places of her childhood. How many people are able to do this? Especially after her amazing story where she escaped with her family. After looking at her apartment she leads us up her street past an old church and turns down an ally in silence. She leads us behind tall apartment buildings to run-down building. This is how I walked to ice-skating every day. This is the place. It is beyond me how she remembers this. A place you would never find on your own. The entrance is open and Dina suggests we go inside. We walk in and there is a guard/receptionist at the desk (every building seems to have someone that will allow you to enter or not). My mom tells the woman her story and how she is returning after 34 years. The woman allows her to go into the back-yard where the ice-skating rink used to be (now a tennis court and tennis center). My mom sits on the stairs and I can only imagine her memories of skating around the rink and doing spins. She points to a fence and says all the parents were glued to it, competitively watching their children. She reminds me this is the fence a girl stuck her tongue onto as a child and got it stuck in the freezing winter. They had to pour hot water to remove her tongue from the fence. The building where she had choreography class is being renovated but still is the same (paint chipping from over 30 years ago). When we leave my mom thanks the receptionist who smiles (they don’t smile in Russia so this is a rare moment) and tells my mom: “Now you can come back to learn tennis.”

My mom leads us through more ally ways and finds her old French school which is exactly the same as she remembers. We try to enter but the guard tells us we can’t and are not allowed. We return outside and Dina remembers we have our embassy papers. She says to go back in and show the papers. My mom pulls out her embassy papers and goes into the school, I follow. She tells the guard it has been 34 years and she travelled all the way from America to show her oldest daughter where she went to school. She asks if the papers will make a difference. This catches the guard’s interest and she says she will get the principal. The principal returns (in a good mood) and welcomes my mom back to the school. They allow us in and we get a tour of the principal’s office. Then we walk through the four stories of the school. My mom says the school is exactly what she remembers and her classroom is still the same. The biology classroom is still a biology class and the cafeteria still has a stove that looks to be over 30 years old. My mom shows me where she walked and chatted with friends and learned math. I can’t believe everything I am hearing, walking in the same places my mom did as a child.

After the school we walk to a monastery that next door. My mom said after school they came here to play spin the bottle. We then make way back to the embassy, stopping at the Red Square. I want to cry and do gasp at the same time. It takes my breath away. I have never seen a church so large. St. Basil’s is amazing- out of picture books. We see the building where Lenin’s body lies and I watch the Russian people: women wear tight jeans or fish net stockings with stiletto heels. Men wear jeans with zippers and still cut their hear in the soviet mullet. I take in Russia and feel like the day cannot get any better.

We end the day at my mom’s family’s apartment eating more Russian food: borscht and fish. My mom’s uncle tells me the fish was made especially for me. He went to the store and they didn’t have fresh fish so he returned. They had live fish, so they killed it with the back of the knife. He is proud to tell me he got the freshest fish in Moscow for me. I learn through the night that my grandfather lived in one of Stalin’s Seven sisters (buildings built for government workers by Stalin). He was later banned after his father was taken away, deemed a traitor. The stories of history are amazing. We stay till midnight and return for a good night’s sleep.

First Day in Russia

2009-09-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

It started with the dog getting free in the belly of the plane.
After the longest flight of my life (I only was able to sleep about two hours) we finally landed in Moscow, Russia. As we lined up to leave the plane the flight attendant announced: “The owner of the dog traveling with the luggage- please come forward. The dog has gotten out of the crate during the flight and the staff can not catch it.”

My eyes burned from a lack of sleep but I was excited to see what was waiting for me outside the plane. After successfully passing the health check (no temperature), we made our way outside of the airport. Russian flowed all around us. I was happy to see a familiar face, but also was excited to meet my mom’s cousin (Garick) and his son (Grisha). They met us with bouquets of flowers and kisses on the cheek. Garick handed my mom a cell phone to use while in Russia and we made our way to Peter’s apartment. The sprinkling of forests around the city took my breath away. The birch trees taller than anything in the United States. I can’t wait to go into the deep forests later this week. The first drive into the city felt surreal: billboards and traffic mixed with onion top historical buildings and Stalin’s sisters looming over it all. I thought Costa Rica was crazy driving, but Russia is probably the craziest. No speed limits, no seat-belt laws, people zoom in and out of traffic like there are no lanes. Police can pull you over for any reason and this usually requires a pay-off of some sort. I took it all in and felt like I was in a TV show or movie- watching it all but being a part of it.

I was so tired (noon Moscow time, 1am Davis time) but I decided to force myself to stay awake. If I could make it through half a day in Moscow and sleep at the regular time I would be able to fight jet-lag faster.

After settling down into Peter and Dina’s apartment we went to find coffee. Russian filled the street, cute children walked behind their parents, cars zoomed down the streets, and people sold beer, ice-cream or candy from kiosks on the street corners. After a latte and yummy beet salad- the sleep still tried to win me over- we went to visit with my mom’s relatives.

I felt dizzy from the lack of sleep but excited to meet relatives for the first time. We traveled by car (you learn to hold your breath and the corners of your seat, as you slide from side to side) to my mom’s aunt’s apartment. It is located in a quieter part of the city (an old brick building, with tall trees around it.) My mom remembered the floor her aunt and uncle live on. I didn’t have time to get nervous and I blame it on the sleep deprivation, but we made our way inside the modest apartment that my mom used to visit as a child. Photos of my family (siblings and parents) hang in the apartment. My great aunt and uncle met us with more kisses on the cheek and smiles. My great aunt Maya looked at us and kept repeating (in Russian only)- My Tanyachka, my Tanyachka you are here. After analyzing me they tell me I don’t look like my mom, but I am perfect. Along with my great aunt and uncle we are met my Garick and his wife (my mom’s cousins) and their child Grisha. Later Palina joins us with her boyfriend (my mom’s other cousin’s child’s child- quite the family tree) and the apartment filled with more Russian and people. They all instantly felt like family- laughing and joking. They only spoke Russian for the next few hours and I felt like I was in a foggy dream. I smiled and listened to stories here and there. I began to put together the topics of the conversation- understanding limited Russia- and fill my not hungry belly with Russian food they had prepared for us. I was happy to find out Grisha is a vegetarian. We started the meal with a toast. They toasted to me and told me in Russian that they know my mama is here because of my organization. It made me feel so part of the family already. Then we had homemade squash soap with sour cream. It was amazing. Plus homemade bread. Then rice with smoked salmon. They were happy I ate Reeba (fish). Then we had vegetables and a three-course dessert (chocolates, tea, cake, and an amazing baked dessert my great uncle made the day before for our arrival). Peter came with us and told my family he is on his last belt hole, he can’t eat much more. They told him, well we have the tool to make the next hole. Everyone laughed and I understood where I my gets her sense of wit and humor. They were impressed we want to go mushroom hunting and said if we can not find mushrooms they will plant them for us to find. The warmth and humor and connection with these people that share the same blood with me is amazing. Throughout eating for hours I listened to stories of my family’s past.

My great uncle Grisha told me amazing moments from World War II. He told me (through help with Peter’s translations) that he was a solider on the front lines. He was wounded by Germans and they took him out of the army. He was awarded a medal for being a hero and watcher of the city of Moscow. He even shook Stalin’s hand. After being exempt from the army he became an architect and began restoring buildings destroyed by war. This is how he met my great aunt (who was also an architect). They worked on restoring a building together and won another award. He told me this year on December 31st they will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary. He told me my great aunt lost both her parents at 17 years old to the war. They were taken by officers- leaving my great aunt and my grandfather (who was 5 at the time) as orphans. They moved to Moscow and met up with family. My great aunt brought my grandfather up. When he left to USA in the 70s with my mom and family my great aunt was never the same. She is really sick and my great uncle told me after my dedushka left is when she started to fall ill. Since my dedushka escaped with his kids (my mom) and wife, the KGB sent a letter telling my great aunt and uncle to bring him back. My great aunt said she would sacrifice her life for my dedushka and didn’t tell the KGB officers anything. This resulted in the loss of her job as an architect. My great uncle told me it was ok because they had dogs and camping trips and more adventures. I shared the picture of Jaime with them and we related on the love of dogs. I told my uncle he has amazing stories. He told me- he is a unique individual. Then we hugged and kissed on the cheeks and he said he loves me so much and is so happy to have me in his home.

I left with a full belly, eyes tired with sleep, and emotional happiness. It is an elation that is hard to describe. I feel an incredible amount of luck to be able to experience this and have such an extended and loving family around me. Not many people are able to have this experience in their lifetime and here I am in Moscow, Russia ready to explore the places of my mom’s childhood stories and memories.

Flight Patterns

2009-06-20T09:54:00.001-07:00

Every morning I wake up and drink my coffee and check my email. Along with checking my email, I have added a new routine- checking flights. I check international flights to various of locations I probably will never purchase. But there is something so soothing about the routine of watching the prices and trying to figure out some sort of pattern. I've been watching every day for a little over a month. It's like a special project. I might be obsessive in some ways, but there are just some things I enjoy doing. So while I check my email, I try to figure out the flight-market. If you need me to find you a flight, I just might know how to score the best deal.

Here are some observations from the past month....(These are for international flights)

The cheapest months to travel to most places are August and September

The cheapest days of the week to fly on are Monday and Wednesday

The airlines have the best deals/sales 60 days before flying date. After that they go up. It is a myth- I have found in my own research- that they discount tickets at the last minute. You can get discounted vacation packages...but not just a flight.

I'd say I'm off to a good start

2009-06-15T21:10:00.001-07:00

Things I have done now that it is summer vacation and I am officially done with school (students' grades sent to registrar, thesis past, final paper turned in, commencement commenced):

+Get sick for the first time in a year

+catch up on sleep

+ Take Jaime back to obedience class and have a successful hour long class where Jaime showed me he can be an outstanding dog

+ Go out to breakfast with my Bunia

+ Read for pleasure

+Apply for a job at Sierra Nevada

+Drink beer

+ Watch trashy TV, such as "Sixteen and Pregnant" on MTV and the Bachelorette

+Go back to work at City Hall

+Walk Jaime and Sam

+Draw

+Check out Russia books from the library to plan a trip

Even though I am going to miss school so much- I was financially stable, had time, made good friends, grew as a person, learned more than I can imagine...I would say I am off to a good start of my new life

Events Manager Position

2009-06-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

Applied for a job at Sierra Nevada...probably won't get it. But I had fun writing the cover letter...

This week I am graduating from UC Davis with a Master’s Degree. At this point in my life the most popular question I find myself faced with is, “Now what are your plans?” And I always provide the same answer: “I might not have a specific career in mind, but I know my next step in life will have to include the three most important things to me- story, travel, and beer.”

As a passionate Sierra Nevada customer I went to your website to find out when the new Kellerweis brew is being released and noticed the employment tab at the bottom of the website. As soon as I saw the opening for Events Manager and read the description I knew I found that specific career I was looking for.

As a former creative writing student interested in community renewal and sustainability I understand and look for the story in everything. As a graduate student, I have worked alongside the director for The Art of Regional Change in aiding a struggling rural community to tell their story in an effort to revitalize their small town. I traveled to the community and worked one on one with youth, elders, and government members to record stories that established outreach efforts. I wrote the copy for the website that was launched this past year: www.artofregionalchange.ucdavis.edu. In the end I solely organized and coordinated a University event to bring members from the community to present their digital stories.

In addition to my university administrative experience I have been employed with The City of Davis in the Community Services Department as an office assistant since November 2006. I took some time off while in graduate school but will resume a temporary part time position this summer as an aquatics assistant responsible for purchasing and inventory at the three community pools. As an office assistant for the City I provided members of the community information on recreational and community activities, rented picnic areas, was knowledgeable of ABC laws, aided in training new employees, and displayed knowledge and handling of basic office procedures. In each of my positions and passions I have excelled to the highest level and displayed responsibility, leadership, an eagerness to learn, organization, creativity, guidance, knowledge of office policies and team-work.

Sierra Nevada is a company that embraces community, story and hard working people. I am very devoted to providing guidance to other employees and coordinating events that emphasizes community and beer. I am more than happy and interested to travel and share the story of a devoted company interested in community and sustainability.

I hope that you would be willing to accept my application for the position. I look forward to discussing the position and my qualifications in greater detail. Thank you for your time and consideration.

May Days

2009-05-22T08:23:00.000-07:00

Last weekend/week I went to Seattle and Vancouver with Palina and Lisa. The weather was perfect- low to mid seventies and clear skies. It was nice to escape the 100+ central califonia heat. I had so much fun visiting with Atya and Helen. I feel so close to them even though we only see them maybe once a year. Every time we get together you can feel that comfortable Chordas bond. We arrived Friday morning- walked around campus, say Atya's work, went to the University Village and the bookstore. In the evening we had a yummy pasta dinner at Atya's house and drank good polish vodka. We toasted to everyone in the family- if you count the number of people in the family you will realize we had a lot of shots.

The next morning started out rough- everyone had hangovers. We didn't let it damper our plans though. We hung out in Fremont, ate greasy cuban sandwiches and then went to the street faire which was a lot like Whole Earth. There were way more people though. Since the weather was nice. First time they saw sun for the month of May- tons of people were out. Later we took Atya out to a Ethiopian restaurant I found on-line prior to the trip. It was pretty empty and in a seedy part of town but turned out to be delish and probably the best food of the trip. The place was like walking into another country- cement floors, open kitchen door (reminded me of Miss Mirariam's in Costa Rica). Atya said she loved it and now wants to take friends there. After dinner we went back to her apt. and tried many beers from around the world that I purchased from the Bottleworks shop around the corner from her house. Probably my favorite store in seattle. We all agreed that Seattle is such a great city and doesn't quite feel like one since it is broken into smaller neighborhoods and everyone is so easy-going. It doesn't have that city rush and that's why I love it so much.

On Sunday we got up early and drove to Canada. Lisa did all the driving which was alot...but well worth it. It took us about 2 hours to get to the boarder and once we crossed the first thing we were hit with was a cow manure smell for the next 5 miles. We joked about the smell and then were taken aback by the beauty of Vancouver. The city is more like a city- people rushing about, taxis, etc...but it is surrounded by snow-capped mountains all around. We went to Stanely Park and ate fresh fish, drank a pitcher of beer (Canadian beer insnt anything special). Then we went to the aquarium. They had 5 month old baby fur seals that were so cute and other animals we had fun watching. After that we made our way back into the city and found a parking spot in Robson shopping district. We were not sure if we had to pay since it was sunday and saw a parking meter guy emptying out the meters. We asked him and he said yes, but he can do it for us. We were all taken aback and thought we misunderstood. But he asked for a quarter and put it through the meter until it bought us 2 hours. A quarter only bought 3 minutes so he put that single quarter in quite alot. then he even handed it back to us. We were shocked by how nice a city government worker could be. It made us feel positive about human kind. We walked around the city, felt a little under-dressed in jeans and tshirts, and then went to a few bars since Palina could drink in Canada.

On Monday it was Lisa's Birthday. We went out to breakfast and then to Pike Place Market. It was nice going on a monday because it was quiet and not crowded. When Palina and Lisa needed to find a bathroom- we went to the pike brewery. I bought an IPA and fell in love. Probably one of the best IPAs I have ever had. I wish I could have stayed longer and tried more beers but we had a plane to catch and were all disappointed about coming back home to the heat and daily routines of life.

I spent the week grading like crazy. Yesterday my class was observed- well my teaching. The faculty member said he wanted to talk to me in regards to me evaluations from last quarter. I thought oh shit. Then he proceeds to say (In front of all my students and across the classroom) they were the best evaluations he has seen in years. I told him thanks for some odd reason. And he said dont thank me, I have to thank you...you are preparing these students so I have nothing to teach them when they get to high levels! Then he turns to my students and says you are all lucky...you have the best of the best this university has to offer. I felt so happy. Then I ran an amazing class. My students all said smart things, most of them talked, they all were positive. It was an amazing day were I felt positive about teaching again. A day where I thought maybe I can do this....

2 Years of Work Decided in 1 hour

2009-05-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

My defense went well. I can't remember most of it. Not due to drinking, but due to nerves. I was so nervous and even though I had a beer it didn't help. My hands were shaking (hidden on my lap under the table the whole time) and my head felt numb. I read my oral statement and then the first 5 pages of a short story. My three committee members asked me questions and I had all the answers. It was funny, because I think the questions I was expecting I answered so quickly and not as thoroughly as planned. But the questions they asked, the harder and unexpected ones, I answered the best. I guess I always work in reverse. They clapped and signed a piece of paper indicating I completed my course work for a Masters Degree. So now I have it. Afterwards I felt so numb, brain dead, and like I was in a foggy dream. Even though it was all done on Monday, today is the first day I feel truly like celebrating and that I am done. The whole week I was exhausted and couldn't even focus on the fact that I just completed everything.

I've never worked harder for anything in my life and it is crazy to think it was all decided in an hour. I had the people I care about most sitting around the board table there with me (parents, siblings, Lisa, college friends, and Katie). Even two month old baby Alexander came. I felt so much support and that's probably why I did so well. I just can't believe it is over. I still teach till first week of June, but I'm done with the thesis/my work part. I am so relieved the stress is gone but sad that I am done with school.

but it sure feels good to hold 162 pages in your hand and really see/feel the weight of the work you have completed.
Now I need to find an agent/publisher.

And I am ready to travel that world....

Tomorrow, I defend.

2009-05-03T17:32:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I defend my two years of work, 162 pages of short stories. I am terrified and have a hard time convincing myself the fear now is really worse than what it will be like tomorrow. Tomorrow I start the defense with an oral statement of my work that will be the topic of discussion. Here is my oral statement....

Before I began to write, I’d dress up my younger siblings in travel attire, pack a suitcase full of clothes, line-up chairs in rows for our imaginary airplane, and we’d travel the world without ever leaving our living room. When I was old enough to leave the house on my own, my mom drove my brother and me to a new and unfamiliar neighborhood in Davis. She gave us a blank piece of paper and a pencil and before driving away she told us to draw a map of all the roads we traveled as we found our way back home. I was ten. It was a moment that would help define the writer I’d become. Even in a town as small as Davis, it could have been scary—but I was excited about my first independent journey. I walked through the streets of Davis and drew pictures of the different roads and houses that made up my map and eventually led me home. Thinking back to my childhood in Davis—a childhood so tied to this one small spot of earth— I realize that I was somehow always traveling. That I went so many places in my imagination. And though the streets of Davis seem much smaller to me now, well over a dozen years later, I’ve never stopped seeking the sense of adventure that filled me that day when I took my first “trip.”
As a writer, I have continued to travel through story, crossing lonely county lines and busy California highways, even venturing at times into other counties; it is as if I need to explore the imaginary geography I have always carried in my head. But the places I've visited aren't always fictional. During my first year in the creative writing program, I worked with the university's Art of Regional Change program on a project that sought to give a rural community in Calaveras County a voice through recorded storytelling. Though I was again working very close to home, stumbling upon so many unexpected stories in such a quiet little corner of the world awakened in me a sense of wonder about the stories I might find elsewhere. Last summer, I received a grant to write and travel, and the opportunity to indulge this growing curiosity. I wondered how much these tiny specks on a map shared with any other part of the world, and I convinced my family to come with me to Cahuita, a tiny village in Costa Rica, reached only by nameless dirt roads. I ate delicious food and hiked through miles of jungle. I also chipped my front tooth and experienced a robbery at gunpoint. Most importantly, I came to know a place and was changed by it. I began to realize that my own stories, my writing, whatever else it might be about, would always be about the places that fascinate me, real or imagined.
As I reflect on my collection of short stories, I see that my characters are grounded to place either as outsiders who find themselves in the heart of new lands or they are insiders, small town locals, who want to step outside of the borders of the world they’ve known. Either way, these roles force my characters to undertake risky journeys. Travel writer James O’Reilly has said that the journey strips away illusions of self; a new place, a new culture, chance encounters with strangers— they so often charge the traveler with wonder and inspiration and the courage to live better (14). I believe this sentiment applies to each of my stories and my collection as a whole. I write about small, rural places that people might not know existed and I populate those spaces with characters in motion, or longing to be. They yearn to travel because they want to escape the counties they live in, the relationships they have, and the heritage that binds them to a culture. Most my characters stay within county lines and never leave the spaces they occupy but even without going far from home, they find themselves traveling because of the counter characters and towns that offer a journey in one way or another.
When I started to piece these stories together for my thesis, I realized that each one was a point on a map and that they came together as the California that I know. I wanted to convey that meaningful travel doesn’t have to be to some exotic place; one can do it without even crossing county lines. I explore places that are rural, small, and sometimes deceptively familiar to the characters who live in or move through them. Each county is filled with different characters from all sorts of backgrounds- farmers, Native Americans, Russians, hippies, religious people. I realized by putting together a diverse group of characters in a small space where they are forced to interact with each other, it becomes a metaphor for traveling to learn from other cultures without the physical aspect of traveling. My characters find that the answer to a lot of their conflicts exists at home, in a place they want to escape or a place that becomes a similar parallel to home. What writing these stories has also taught me is the value of thinking about the places we know, or want to know, in terms of the individual spaces that make them up, no matter how small, and how those spaces fit together to make a whole world or state.
Most the places I chose to write about are rural small farm towns filled with corn fields and the possibility of fire. I see fire, whether it is a literal flame or the fire of a gun or the summer heat, working as a force of nature that is there to wipe out the past of my characters and symbolize the change that can be scary. I feel place can ground people and sometimes the force of fire is the only thing that will push them out of their familiar roles and places. There is an end to fire in my stories as my characters develop based on their growing relationship with their counterpart characters. I chose these places and these diverse people to write about, because I think we don’t know the amount of story in these farming communities and we tend to forget about the corners of the world that sit quietly harvesting corn.
But it is not only places that have been important to me in writing these stories; there are people who have served as my guides on this journey. Lucy Corin challenged me. She gave me deadlines and made me realize I can write ten pages every week. It wasn’t until I was encouraged, even required, to write in such volume, that I had a critical mass of my own work that allowed me to see exactly what threads were running through all of my stories and weave them together into a unified manuscript. In workshop, Lucy made sense of my work through translating them into pictures, images— maps of my stories. I’ve always been a visual learner, so Lucy’s maps made sense to me. My stories took on three-dimensional shapes and I started to visualize the space my characters inhabited and the roads that connected them. Yiyun Li taught me to write about the mysterious and gray characters. She told me that no matter what, I was going to have to let bad things happen to some of the characters I love and that my characters will grow out of the challenges they are faced with. She taught me to continue to let my characters exist miles after the story is finished on the page. David Van Leer introduced me to the timelessness of the classics. He taught me the value of exposing my characters to risk, controversy, and conflict. He pushed me to think about complex characters and relationships and how to write them subtlety and honestly.
I’ve also been influenced by people whom I’ve never met but whose work has always pointed me in the right direction. Anne Lamott taught me how to “make real or imagined events come alive” (7) and that if I look around I will start to see story everywhere and that the trick is to learn to be engrossed by something outside of myself (102). Under the influence of her writing, I began to look outside; instead of writing about myself or characters already familiar to me, I found the stories in the face of an armed robber, in the line at the post office, or in a shed on the side of Highway 20 advertising homemade bat houses. Raymond Carver’s work taught me that there is story in the grimmest corners of the world, places unimaginable to most people, and that those places should be written into story, as well. Sherman Alexie illustrated for me the importance of heritage and culture. Through his stories I was able to reflect on applying my own Russian heritage to my stories and realize how the passing on of culture through generations becomes a way to travel without leaving the house. Jodi Angel taught me to write the hard truth of my characters, because even when things get uncomfortable the reader will be intrigued by that raw honesty. My stories don’t shy away from risk and danger. My characters are put into positions that show how danger and crisis have a way of making us instinctively understand what matters at any given moment, and what doesn’t. It is precisely these moments of danger and crisis that cause my characters to change their lives.
This collection, like the characters who populate it, is still a work in progress, a journey that is on its way to being fully realized. I feel closer to my stories that are written in first person, and feel like I am still negotiating an authentic third-person point of view. I constantly second guess my titles—they are so important as the first sign-posts or markers that the reader encounters along the way. But for the most part, I feel confident about where and how the collection has come together as a whole. I set out on this journey to help my readers learn about the world without even realizing it. I wanted that to happen in the most unlikely places--Hopland, Arcata, Yuba City or Knight's Landing--because I think that's how it really happens in our lives. These are real towns that people might not know existed, even though some are close to home, unique points on the greater map of California. They offer the foreign and the familiar; they are journeys that don't require a plane ticket or any luggage but only the reading of words off the page. I want my stories, these places, to inspire equally fulfilling journeys for my readers; I want to offer them an entire world without travel.

I did it

2009-04-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

Today I turned in my thesis.

There is nothing like holding a big ol' stack of 162 pages in your hand and thinking, "Dang, I wrote all that?" 162 pages, 11 stories, all about California in one way or another. I brought maps into my thesis. There is a map of all the counties in California in the table of contents, then next to the title of each story there is the piece of california the county makes up. It's like a puzzle. I liked the visual and thought it added nicely to the whole idea of people feeling confined in their place based on their role in the community.

Last night I finished typing it and took Jaime outside to pee before bed. I was waiting for him to finish and looked up in the sky. At that exact moment a HUGE ball of fire or a shooting star shot through the sky. It was huge, probably the biggest shooting star I have seen in my life. I smiled and thought, damn this better mean good things.

I walked to the front of my creative writing class and handed my thesis to my chair person. She looks at me and goes how does it feel? I tell her it feels like I need a long nap. Then all my classmates clap. It made me feel good. I love community and knowing you've got people supporting you.

Now I am going to Mendocino to take a weekend to rest. Then I need to start preparing for the defense which is in less than 2 weeks.

Busy Life- mini update

2009-04-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

Thesis writing is coming to a close. It is due this Thursday. I now have a title for my book. It makes me feel like all the stories are coming together as a whole.

Picnic day yesterday. Fun party at the Chordas' house, of course. Saw old friends, new friends, and family. I drank for 14 hours straight and had a rough day today, but managed to revise a story.

In between writing and drinking I have conversations online with my mom. Most our conversations deal with big issues and topics. They are probably the most amusing thing in this world:

Melissa: jesus is judgmental

Tanya: you think?

Melissa: of course
thats why certain people make it to hell and some to heaven

Tanya: i think nature just recycles us no matter what and the spirit thing lives on in some people's minds like a ghost
what religion would it be

Melissa: mother earth

Tanya: oh that's a good religion
lets start a church: Chordas church
first oficial meeting: Indians Ca
we can be a cult

Melissa: who would be the leader

Tanya: sacrifice meat chickens at the indians
pop he can kill
I really like it, I have a religion now.

On Hold

2009-04-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

I've been bad...my thesis is due next week, this is why. My reading (last post) went well. I had three beers and half a margarita before hand, so my nerves were calm and I came across confident.
Now the thesis defense. I am freaked out. I suddenly am doubting my writing skills and worry about being failed. The last two days I feel like breaking down and crying at any given moment. I just have to stay calm. May 4th I defend and my degree is decided. I hate this pressure. Everytime I get in the car to drive I have the urge to just get on the freeway an not return. It is ironic that all the stories in my thesis/collection are about characters who want to escape and here I am faced with the same feeling. Maybe if I leave and then write a good paper to my committee explaining my reasoning and how it ties into my writing they will give me the degree.

Here is pretty much how I feel, a chat I had with my mom...

Melissa
I want to just take the car and pack it with food and drive
and see where I end up
without any plans
or maps

Tanya
no no car limits you to this continent, this continent is not best

Melissa
I know, but you can park the car and then fly
with the right amount of xanax

March in a Nutshell

2009-04-01T17:29:00.000-07:00

So I got busy and stopped writing. I spent the rest of March grading my students, dealing with students arguing grades, deciding teaching isn't worth the stress of grading, hiking, eating good food, getting chicks for my parents back yard, and revising my thesis. Oh and dealing with my own crashing computer, which means I need to get a new one. So yeah, I was busy. I edited about 50 pages of my 130-140 page thesis. I feel like I am getting closer, but don't want to graduate.

The new qrt., my last qrt, started this week. I taught my new class on Tuesday. Tomorrow I teach again. It is so much better and I feel a little bit more positive about teaching now. Tomorrow I also have my writing workshop, my last one with one of my all time favorite professors. And then tomorrow evening I am giving my first ever reading. I am terrified, petrified, and all together horrified. I don't like to read things I wrote, especially to a large crowd in an auditorium with a microphone. (I have a fear of microphone's and when there was the possibility of getting one for Katie's wedding I begged her not too). I hope I don't faint. My story, that I am reading, is 9 pages long. I will try to shorten it tonight, some how. Ahhh!!! Terrified. Also, to make matters worse, all the recruits for next year will be there...so it puts more pressure on me to represent the program. And it also means the professors will be there.
Here are some pictures from Spring Break:

Will post later...my computer crashes everytime I try posting one picture.

I've got some sort of presence

2009-03-11T15:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a shitty day. I had a student yell and belittle the whole class, calling them racists. It was one of those moments when I was caught off guard as a teacher, because the student perceived a comment from another student totally wrong. It flipped some personal switch for her and the ranting and raving came. Its one of those moments when I sat there silently wishing I didn't have to be a teacher. Then afterwards I felt incredible guilt, like I let the class down. It sucked. Big Time.

Then today I had a pop-reading quiz in my own class and realized I read the wrong stories so there went that.

I don't have time. I really don't, but I have been taking Sam and Jaime hiking everyday. I sit and let them swim in the creek and watch all the birds and enjoy the spring flowers. Yesterday I saw a Kite. Today I saw a red-tail hawk and an egret. I feel so alone out in nature by myself and it is one of the most rewarding experiences ever. It's very meditative and soothing to my mental well-being. It grounds me in my chaotic life.

I came home and got my review from the class observation last week...

"I thought your ENL 5F class on 3/5 went fairly well. I'd reviewed your syllabus prior to my visit and thought it quite sound, and I was pleased with your overall performance the first time you're doing the class. I was especially impressed with your presence in the classroom, and leading questions such as "What's at stake for the character?" prompted some serious class attention and good response."

The suggestion for my teaching was try to find a way to get the whole class to talk. I had 8 students or so doing most the talking and then the quiet ones. I don't know how to get them to talk. It's hard for me to think of ways besides calling on them which is so elementary school. They're adults. I told them if they don't talk their grade will suffer...The way I see it: they make their own choices. I mean I am open to getting everyone to talk, but I don't know how else to do it.

I keep on seeing/hearing this word "Presence" when I teach. I wonder what it means and how this reflects me as a person. I would never have guessed that I would have such a presence. I feel like I am a quiet person.

Thank god I was not observed yesterday during the whole debacle.

Celebration of Time Changes

2009-03-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

We celebrate time passing for new years...so why don't we celebrate the change- loss or addition- of time for Daylight Savings? I think we should.

This last week was my most stressful week of the quarter. I didn't realize how stressed out I was until Thursday night when I came home and crashed out and slept through my alarm that was going off for an hour straight without my knowledge. Really even though I was stressed, I didn't have time to worry about it because I was so busy.

I turned in 5 stories for my thesis collection. 2 of them were new stories.

I went and watched a oral thesis defense to see how these things go since I will be defending mine in May. It freaked me out more to see it. It made it more real and less of a denial thing.

Then for the first time in my life I lectured to a lecture hall. I had to take a crumble of a xanax for that one. I mean I would have preferred a drink, but 9am was too early to kick back the bottle. It went well though. The whole lecture was 50 minutes and it went by so fast. The TA in the class, a fellow grad student, told me I was "Fierce." Then Yiyun Li, the professor of the class who was gone the day I lectured, told me a student came to see her in office hours and was "gushing" about the lecture.

Then on Thursday my class was observed by the department. I felt good about it. Of course my students went a little off topic at one point...debating if marijuana makes you feel "chill" or "paranoid." I had to get them back on track....but the observer was laughing. Which is a good thing. It was a moment when everyone was laughing. So I think he saw how comfortable I run my classroom. I do like my students and have two more classes to teach. I will miss them. As the quarter has gone on I really have grown attached to them.

Good weekend, leads into intense week

2009-02-18T20:56:00.001-08:00

This past weekend was so nice. Having a three day weekend. I graded a lot. I prepped for my classes. And I even wrote 8 pages of a new story that takes place in Hopland and plays with the theme of a gossipy small community. They gossip about a Russian immigrant that comes to town by accident- as hitchhiking north to escape her family...and she befriends, possibly falls in love, with a local native american boy. As the reader watches scenes develop between the two in the private of the russian's home there is a constant switch to scenes that take place in the Hopland Bar and the reader experiences the community's gossips, ideas about the "russian and pomo boy." I've grown to like my characters and hope an ending comes soon. I want to visit Hopland Brewery, sit listen to the people, and have an ending come to me. I'm tempted to ditch school on a weekday and drive just to sit in the bar and then come home.

The best part of last weekend was that I felt relaxed and ready for the week.

But oh boy. What a week I had waiting for me. On Tuesday was the second workshop of my class. They started to workshop their own stories. It has been good, but they have been really nervous about it since this is the first time they are sharing. One of the authors whose story was workshopped left in the middle three different times to go throw-up (I think anxiety induced). So after making one of my students barf....

I went to sophias to play the regular trivia night and we were not so hot last night. Our name rocked though (part of the fun is thinking up of a name that usually combines current events with sexually implicit things.) The name I thought of was...
"Get me a turkey baster...I want some Octuplets." Sigh. We didn't win best name though. Of course the majority of them were about Lance's bike getting stolen. Something along the terms of...who has one ball to steal Lance's bike.
I thought ours was good.

I also went to the dentist to find out about filling my front tooth that was chipped while in costa rica. The dentist said it didn't chip enough to hit the nerve and it sanded itself quite nicely so there is no worry about it constantly slicing my tongue. At this point he would fill it for cosmetic purposes which insurance would not cover. After being reassured it wouldnt chip more over time, I opted out. He said good choice at least you have a good story to tell with the chip. I smiled and thought boy costa rica. There are tons of stories to tell. Then I embraced my chipped tooth and decided it gives me character. Plus, I can stick a piece of hay between my front teeth and embrace my country side. And my front tooth can act like a canine. It's got edge.

Tonight I make my homemade lasagna (my signature dish), drink two beers and hope tomorrow is better.

While making Lasagna I had the idea to open a Lasagna shop. I'll call it "Strictly Lasagna." I will make all kinds of Lasagna- cheese, veggie, meat, dessert. I let my imagination run wild...I'm sure it won't find a place in my real life, but it will show up in a story at some point.

Who else thinks weekends are too short?

2009-02-10T08:53:00.000-08:00

Things I did this past weekend:

+ walk the dog, alot
+ Go eat way too much sushi @ sushi buffet with palina
+ Play video games with palina
+ Go Ghost Hunting at Chiles Mansion and Baxter House
+ Drive by our old duplex where we grew up
+ Visit our grandfather's grave
+ Watch Desperate Housewives
+ Go to Costco
+ Go to Berkeley to see Yiyun Li Read from her new novel
+ Eat dinner at my parents house
+ Reviewed a text book for some extra money
+ go get frozen yogurt with palina and convince palina she should sell avon for extra money

Things I didn't do, but should have done this past weekend:

+ Write a new story or edit stories for my thesis
+ Search for jobs for the fall
+ Complete my lesson plans for this week
+ Figure out what to write for my aesthetic statement
+ Clean the apt.

Weekends are way too short....

Perfect Job = Maybe not meant to be

2009-02-08T10:19:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday I found the perfect job. It is at Mills college and is the office admin personnel for the creative writing program: full benefits and salary. The best part though, it was only 20 hours a week which would give me time to write, do an internship, and pursue other things.

Of course there was a problem. There always is a problem. As I teach my students on a daily basis- Life is full of struggles. Don't make everything so easy for your characters. I want to see struggle and conflict in your stories...

So my problem...the job closed on January 29th. I found it on the 31st. 2 Days LATE. Regardless, I thought to myself if they still have it posted online maybe, just maybe they are still accepting applications.

So I spent half a day writing a darn good cover letter, editing my CV and paying the post office extra money to deliver it ASAP.

Mills sent me a letter thanking me for my application but pretty much letting me know they were not going to look at it because they have closed the job and are not accepting applications any more. Just to add to that they also said they are not keeping resumes on file at this time.

I tried to decide if it was more frustrating to be rejected without them even looking at my application or looking at it and deciding I was not suited for the job. Then I just kicked myself over and over for not looking at the Mills employment website earlier. I mean on January 25th I spend hours searching at UC Berkeley for jobs...why, why didn't I look at Mills?!?!?! I would have met the closing deadline.

Regardless, I drank a beer and decided this perfect job was maybe not meant to be my job.

Uncertainty & Decision Making are Scary Things

2009-01-28T13:58:00.001-08:00

I took the job. For now at least.
I didn't resign the lease for the home I have had for the past five years.

So I made two huge decisions and I don't feel any better. I feel like I made two wrong decisions. I feel like I should have made the reverse choices. I feel hopeless in this uncertain and unknown life that I have no control over yet I have to decide.

I think how when I go grocery shopping I always tend to choose the slowest line...no matter what, even if it looks like the fastest check-out line, it ends up being the slowest. I can never help this. It always happens this way. It is incredibly frustrating and everytime I yell at myself, in my head of course, that I always choose the wrong path.

But then I think...just keep on living life, every moment for what it is...stop trying to think ahead and choose which line is going to be quickest, because once you stop thinking ahead things always fall into place for a reason. Maybe by being in that grocery store line for an extra three minutes you will observe something that means alot or you will realize you forgot something important that you now have time to run and get while your shopping basket holds your place in line.

So I hope. I really hope my decisions will bring the next steps in my uncertain life that are meant to be.

I hate decisions

2009-01-26T14:04:00.000-08:00

I really don't like making decisions, yet I face another one that needs to be made in 24 hours. I just went to an interview and walked out with a job offer. I don't know how I do it, but I do. I feel grateful to have a paid opportunity already lined up after graduation when most people don't, especially in the hard economic times. I just wish the job paid more. But then I think I am selfish for complaining since most people don't even have a job.

This job is nothing spectacular: it pays, I make pretty fliers for the city pools, count the money, buy snack bar supplies, and call people about class changes.

The biggest plus though...it's part time leaving me time to search for what I really want to do and apply to other places for September and the schedule is completely flexible. I set my own hours. I mean what more can I ask for?

Well, it's me. So there is always the other side where I start thinking maybe I should use the summer to leave town and do some volunteer job with some cool organization in another country. This is the time in my life to do something like that. But seriously, a paid position-part time-temporary? It's not like I'm locking myself in...Ahhhhh.....What do I do?

I hate decisions.

Signing for a Home

2009-01-26T08:57:00.000-08:00

So today Lisa and I have to let our property management know if we will be re-signing our lease for next year. He gave us like one week to figure it out. I mean we knew it was coming...but it seems to early to have to plan for September. By the time September has come around we have lived here 5 years. This place has been our home. It will be so hard to leave it. I hate moving too, especially since there is so much unknown for the future. This last week I know my heart and instinct tells me not to re-new the lease, but whenever I try thinking about it I think I should do it...so I have avoided thinking about it now. My mom told me I can move back home temporarily, so I won't be homeless and I could save money. Ahh...it is such a hard decision- stressful and exciting.
So here are the pros and cons about re-newing....

Pros About Renewing:
-This is a large apt. for a good price
-This is a desirable apt. so if we renewed and then had to leave mid-lease it probably wouldn't be hard subletting
-The location is great
-I hate moving
-We would give up our free cable
-I know I wouldn't be homeless in the fall
-Even though moving into my parents house is always a fall back so I wouldn't be homeless really, it is nice to have my own place and independent space
- I'm attached to this place and consider it home
-If we say no to resigning it would be impossible to change our mind. we had to work hard to get into this place, the wait list is long and giving it up seems like we can never have it back again and I like being able to know I can fall back on what I had

Cons About Renewing:

- I dont have an actual job set-up yet for September, so I would have to use my savings for rent if the economy is still crappy and I don't find work
-Finding a sublet might be stressful and hard given the bad economy and if an opportunity arose for me to leave quickly (a job or worldly experience), I might not have time.
-Moving will force us to simplify and get rid of a lot of crap
-Giving up cable is good, we shouldn't waste so much time watching TV
-My landlord hates Jaime and Jaime wants to kill him...so it is always an issue when he comes over to fix things
-My landlord can be creepy and makes me feel uncomfortable
-It would be good to have nothing set-up for September...it is exciting and forces me to consider getting out of Davis and looking at new opportunities...I will have my Masters and shouldn't fall into this cycle of renewing and staying in a job I am unsatisfied with just to pay rent.

Ahhhhh....what should I do?????

Turning Points

2009-01-21T16:39:00.000-08:00

Pretty much my life continues to be filled with days of teaching, planning to teach, and grading students work. When I am not doing any of those things I have been trying to cook more (less frozen Annie's food) and I spend multiple hours a week playing/entertaining/training dogs (Sam and Jaime in particular).

I've been enjoyed this qrt. alot. But...as time gets closer I start freaking out how I have been avoiding my thesis. I do need a break from it. I feel like my heart is in teaching to write at the moment not in writing myself. (There's good and bad with this). At some point I will need to get my butt back into the groove of writing. I feel like I am out of ideas. Any suggestions?

As of teaching. I still get so nervous, but it is getting so much better and I really am starting to love doing it. Right now I have a stack of 40 exercises to grade (I am in the middle of grading but taking a break-hence the blog post). I am so excited though. This is the third exercise from my students and they actually are really improving, taking my suggestions and tips from lessons and applying it to their own work. I feel so proud. I feel like successful parent or something. Today one of my student's came to my office hours to tell me she really is enjoying my class and loves the comfortable atmosphere I have created. She said she has always liked writing but has been way too intimidated to share anything. She has wanted to take this class for over a year but has been to scared, now she is finally doing it and she came to tell me I make her feel like she can actually write. I must say it made me proud.

I just feel happy. It's been a good last three days. First a day-off at the beach with dogs, then the change in leadership yesterday, an inspirational/exciting/ intelligent speech (I watched with my dog and tried telling him once the economy now gets better he will get more toys- I don't think he understood), then a great class last night (I lectured for almost an hour without noticing the time! I usually lecture 20 minutes), and then now reading the students work and talking with one this morning.

I really love inspiring people and offering them advice. I don't like public speaking and could possibly do without the lecturing to large groups. I need to find something where I can be a guider. I like guiding people.

Cupcakes I baked from scratch- vanilla peppermint-coconut

Dogs Playing on Muir Beach on MLK Day

Food from one of my favorite restuarants in the Bay Area

The Dogs Tired after a day at Muir Beach

Teaching Writing

2009-01-12T19:48:00.001-08:00

So I have taught twice now. Tomorrow is the third day and there are twenty days total. As much as I am NOT a mathematical person I am starting to visual teaching writing in mathematical diagrams, patterns, and terms. I blame it on my mother who home schooled me and had a very mathematical sense of all things life.

On Tuesday one of my students asked me how do they find a topic or idea for an 8-18 page story (The major requirement of my class-they see ALL things in requirements and grades). And how long should they set aside to write such a daunting thing.

I told my student to look at it like a soduko puzzle. They laughed. Which is good, I want them to laugh. Then I explained that I am going to require a lot of short exercises on given topics (1-3 pages in length). Exercises are going to be like looking through a picture frame and writing what you see. (I like metaphors when teaching and I hope they understand my connections).

When the time comes to write that 18 pager I want them to take all of their exercises and spread them out in a grid on the floor. Next they need to tackle those exercises with a highlighter or multiple colors...and highlight what stands out, what sentences can be part of a larger story, what setting seems right, what is the action and conflict that seems the most tense, and most importantly what character is the most mysterious and interesting. Move your papers around in your "imaginary" grid and form a sequence with your pieces. This will become your story.

Then I listed these writing tips on the board:
1. Start looking around and you will start noticing things (the goal is to make readers notice things about life)
2. Learn to be engrossed by something outside of yourself. (Just like I noticed the robber)
3. Writing is making real or imagined events come alive
4. Writing is about learning to pay attention and to communicate what is going on
5. Don’t worry about doing it right or correctly- just write it down. (Even if it is hard to start writing. Anne Lamott said Starting to write is like having to tell someone some bad news-you are at a loss of words, you sit there staring at a blank screen. Don’t get caught up on this.)
6. Sometimes you have to write three pages to get to a beginning of a story or to that one paragraph that jumps out at you and sparks something bigger. (This is why I am a big fan of exercises-the more you write the more you story you will see)
7. Becoming a better writer is going to help you become a better reader. (Think about why we read? This is important because books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave.)
8. Pay attention to your favorite moments in published short stories (how is an author handling grief on the page? How is the author using dialogue?)

After that it didn't seem so daunting to them. I think they like me. I hope they like me. Tomorrow is day three and I am becoming less nervous and more excited.

First Day Teaching

2009-01-06T10:14:00.000-08:00

Today at 4pm I teach my first class. I am getting so nervous. I am excited too, but these last 24 hours have been sort of neurotic. I have found that when I am nervous I can't sleep and instead recite my class plan out-loud over and over and over. Then when I am awake I write and re-type my class plan over and over and over. This repetition allows me to memorize my plan so I don't have to be reading it off a piece of paper and it's a way to release my nerves.

So for the sake of being nervous...I retype my class plan or script once again....

Day One-

Write Name, class number, and email on the board
Write quote on board: “Creative Writing means imaginative writing, writing as an art” Wallace Stegner

Introduce self: Not long ago I was sitting in your place, an undergrad at ucd taking a creative writing class as an elective. One creative writing class turned into another and then another and now I am writing a book. I look at creative writing like an art. It’s like looking at photographs or paintings and putting the pieces together.

In this class you are all going to be artists even if this is just a one time elective or if it becomes a life-long passion.

This is a workshop class. A workshop class is where we learn from each other. As an undergrad and now a graduate student I have learned some of my most valuable skills from my peers. I am not saying professors are not important, I just think there is a lot of value in learning from each other. We all have different perspectives and there is no right or wrong answer. I will be here to guide you throughout the qrt. But you will share your insights and ideas with each other as a way to succeed as observers and writers.

As we begin this qrt. I want to emphasize your role as observers, not just in the classroom but at anytime of the day, anywhere. This last summer I received a grant to travel to Costa Rica and write a story about the culture and people. I visited the most untraveled parts of costa rica. I wanted the real experience where tourists don’t go. I figured if I was going to write about Costa Rica I needed to be experiencing life off the beaten path. I never have been to Costa Rica and I didn’t know any Spanish. In the first few days of my trip I struggled and chipped my front tooth. I thought that would be my story: the struggle of being in a country where you don’t know the language. Then my group experienced a robbery at gun point in the middle of the night in my cabina. Imaging the face of the robber, I realized story is everywhere…not just what happens to me as a person. After the robbery I looked at the country differently. Every face I saw and everyone I met had a story to tell me. I could walk down the dirt roads and look into every open door of a house: women sweeping dirt floors, teenagers taking naps in the door frame, girls writing secrets in notebooks…the stories were everywhere. When I came home I remembered the imagery of the robbers face and I wrote his story.

I’m telling you about this experience because I want to emphasize that story is everywhere: in strange faces, in a sunset, in mysterious houses. You are the storytellers and this quarter you will find the story and learn how to put it on paper.

Since we will be working closely with each other this qrt. I think it is good to learn a little about each one of you. Let’s do some introductions

INTRODUCTIONS

Pass out candy, get into partners, interview, and report back to the class

Hand out Syllabus, show text books, and go over

Now lets talk a little bit about story. What are the basic elements you look for in a story?
Character, conflict, setting, theme, plot, point of view, voice, setting.
With these basics in mind lets look at our first story

Hand out story-read in class

Discussion:
Alexie- Do Not Go Gentle

How does Alexie use emotions in the story?
Uses emotion as a character by giving it a title.

What does this do for you as a reader? How does this add to the story?

What other emotions does Alexie use in the story and what is the purpose as a writer?
He uses anger, pride, grief, shame, humor, love
Alexie uses every emotion as a way to deal with the conflict in the story. This is different than the other parents (seen in the bathroom with the other fathers). These father’s DON’T deal with their emotions by judging the surface of other people. As a writer Alexie puts these men in the story to add contrast. Contrasting characters, emotions, objects add detail to the plot and story. They help the reader understand what the narrator is experiencing without just stating it.
This scene in the bathroom foreshadows the ending/last page of the story: The men in the bathroom are simpleminded while the narrator and his wife take an object and give it multiple meanings and emotions as a way to heal and deal with their son’s illness.
I also really wanted to show you this story today because I think it is a metaphor for beginning writers. Everything in life has a story and multiple meanings. As writers you are the observers, the ones who find stories in objects and people and give them meaning by putting them on the page.

Give Homework

A New Year

2009-01-03T11:00:00.000-08:00

After Christmas we went up to Mendocino for New Years and a relaxing week. Time flew by, but it was so much fun. It was warmer in Mendocino than it is in Davis. It rained very little. There were a ton of dogs, drinking, and Chordas merrymaking. We went mushroom hunting and were disappointed by the lack of mushrooms compared to last year. We found a few...

Even though the mushrooms were dismal it was still fun to search for them. Along with catching up on sleep, we had many adventures: I got good at playing pool. We ran from the cops who were searching for us with a spot light on highway 101. We ate lots of good food. We spent time with lots of family and friends (including the Towers family). And we rang in the New Year. It was your typical Chordas vacation. Every time I go to Mendocino it becomes harder to come home. Mendocino really feels like home for me. I really can see myself there...probably not in the village which is unaffordable, but around abouts. Along with perspective jobs at the community college there I also found out they have a publishing house in Fort Bragg- who knew?! So there is hope. I just have to write that dang CV.

I can't believe break is over on Monday. I try to think of New Years Resolutions but am not very good at keeping them. I tend to take things the moment they come. I do know I want to save more money and get a new computer. So the first resolution is a juxtaposition already-proving my point that I am terrible at keeping and making these sorts of things.

I do know that whatever 2009 brings me it will be new and a change. I'm gonna have my masters and should, hopefully, have some idea of what I am going to do with my life.

Instead of thinking forward I like to look back and think about how much was accomplished in 2008:

completing my first year at grad school
writing my first draft of my thesis
working with major writers: Dorothy Allison, James Houston, Yiyun Li
And of course the highlight of the year: COSTA RICA

Merry Christmas

2008-12-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

So my dog trainer emailed this picture of her 6 dogs as a Christmas card...they were waiting by the front door for Santa.

I thought if she can do it with 6 dogs, then I can try with our 5....
As you can see the Chordas dogs are not as "refined"

It was impossible to get them to all look at the camera at the same time...so I stuck with 3 dogs versus 5

Holday Prep

2008-12-23T15:39:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe how busy and fast time goes. I have had one and a half weeks off and managed to not look at my thesis edits nor turn my resume into a CV. Somehow I keep incredibly busy doing everything but school or work related stuff. I wash dishes, bake cookies, play with dogs, do holiday prep. For the first time in my life I feel like a housewife of sorts and I like it. I am enjoying avoiding the rest of life and look forward to the holiday fun tomorrow.

Time flies in every aspect of my life but one: the holidays are taking forever to get here...as a housewife it feels like you are continuously prepping for the celebration. At least by the time it comes you are good and ready and excited.
The dogs are even ready:

PC to Mac

2008-12-16T08:12:00.000-08:00

I never never thought I would say this...

but I think I am ready for my first mac computer.
It has been a long battle: mac or pc, pc or mac...and I kept going with windows because that is what I have always used and I am comfortable with it. Anytime I sat down to use a mac I would become highly irritable and flip out because my mouse wouldn't right click or I can't just click the X to exit a program. I've worked with this though and am now used to all the mac shortcuts. Since September I have only been using a mac at work on campus (they have choices but I forced myself to try the mac). I also watched and read hours of tutorials of switching from a PC to a mac. All of my family members own macbooks. I'm the last one who has been holding on strong to my PC roots. I've talked to people about switching. People who can't stand macs are the ones who don't switch. People who do switch tell me they don't even think about PCs anymore.
After this long computer therapy I now find myself highly irritated at my dell pc. It is five years old and is having major issues, but I think there are things I have picked up using on a mac that I now miss when using my PC. I also hate the virus thing. My PC had 60 viruses on it. I blame my students and all their emailed attachments. My computer is just so slow though. The other day I wanted to throw it out the window...instead I walked into an apply store and found my next computer:
It is the new macbook that is the most environmental computer out there. It is light like a feather and the keyboard clicks softly under my fingers. I dream of this computer...but then I think how expensive it is. I don't understand why I can get a Dell for $500 and this computer costs double if not more: $1218.00.
Why are macs so expensive?
For Christmas I don't really want any gifts. I would like some funds to go into my macbook savings. Perhaps I can combine xmas and graduation gifts and buy me a new macbook in May.
My dell better not crap-out before then...I've got a thesis to write.

"Kayak to Japan"

2008-12-12T20:17:00.000-08:00

I am officially done with this quarter. I finished grading a big stack of finals today and yesterday I had my last creative writing workshop. After workshop Yiyun Li took us out to a bar and bought us all drinks. It was epic. This is the professor who told us we are in grad school not to party. Somehow it was a good ending to hard working writing quarter.

Plus after yesterdays workshop I feel like I am never going to be good enough to be a published writer. I go through phases and I guess I am in the discouraged phase at the moment. Maybe I should be a teacher. I really did like teaching this quarter. But then I think- no my heart isn't in teaching, its in giving advice and being there for the students. I like talking to people and I like talking plans. Regardless. Plans about studying for the final, plans about future classes, plans about traveling? You name it. Perhaps my life goal is professional planner of all marvelous things. I can make my own business card.

This was my last week working at the Davis Humanities institute. Everyone there surprised me with a pizza party and delicious cake. I felt really appreciated and loved. It made me sad leaving. There are some amazing people working there that really have been a HUGE part in making grad school survivable. These next two qrts. it will be tough without their daily guidance and support.

Tomorrow I drive to pick-up Palina and bring her back home. I was looking up directions on google maps and forgot to type in the city and state. Somehow the directions landed me in Japan. So I was curious and wondered how google maps would tell you to get to Japan. I wondered to myself before scrolling down the page and imagined directions to the air port and directions to board a plane. But oh no- google maps tells me to: "Kayak across the Pacific Ocean, Entering Japan 3,879 miles"

Perhaps this is a coded meaningful message to me: about my future life. But how the heck would someone kayak over 3000 miles...is this even possible?

If my students learned something from me....

2008-12-09T13:47:00.000-08:00

So this week is finals week and I have been grading and grading and grading. The professor assigned my students this silly reflection paper. They had to pretty much write what was meaningful for them this quarter and why. I disagree with the assignment, especially for a huge lecture english lit. class. And grading them is a nightmare- how can you put a grade on a reflection????? This paper might make more sense for a small small writing class or workshop class, but not for a lecture class. I mean all you are going to get is a bunch of BS papers were students don't care and are just sugar-coating things that they think the professor wants to hear. This is exactly what happened. Except for one paper. This is part of the paper that I actually appreciated:

"As for my prose, I am an arrogant child, who, just out of puberty, is finally learning how to shave. I use too much fluff. Frankly, I just enjoyed reading my own writing. I also enjoyed looking at myself in shiny objects. I maybe exaggerating. The point is, I really noticed improvement from my first essay to my second, and I think I owe a lot of that to the discussion section. My TA was instrumental in gently suggesting that I stop bullshitting as much as I did (I do), especially when it mattered. Great Advice.
As to this reflective essay: it was cathartic, after writing seriously for a quarter. I am not sure what you expected to get out of college students when presented with a purely opinion-based essay, but I tried to give, as candidly as I very possibly could, my answers to your questions."

So I guess my first quarter teaching (TA'ing for two discussion sections) is complete. I enjoyed my students and liked helping them, even it all I taught them was when is the right time to bullshit.

It's starting to feel like the holidays

2008-12-02T20:54:00.000-08:00

The Thanksgiving holiday sped by. I had all these plans to write my syllabus for next qrt., work on my thesis, work on my CV for job applications. Really I needed the time to relax and spend time with family, who doesn't? I didn't want to feel completely slacker like so I did do the syllabus, well most of it. But everything else was left unattended. It was so much fun to see Palina. This has been the longest I have gone without seeing her so we hung out pretty much everyday. We watched movies, drank, played video games, ate tons of sushi, and went shopping. Palina was extremely sick this weekend, in her own words- "This is the worst sickness I have had for years." We didn't let it get in the way of our fun though and now I pay the price. These last two days I have had the worst sickness I have had for years. My body aches and my collarbones too. It sucks. Especially since this is the last week of the quarter. I had my last discussion section last night and I had to drag myself to teach. It was terrible. And on top of it all my students had to write evaluations of me- while I sat there dying and being a very unresponsive teacher.

This weekend I also spent tons of time letting Jaime and Sam run wild in nature. On Sunday Jaime busted his leg open on something- glass, barb-wire, who knows. I have been treating it these last few days but it isn't healing and was still bleeding today. Thoughts of infection and him loosing his leg scared me so I took him to the vet. $100 dollars later he now has four stitches, no infection, and a cone head:

I've got a fast dog

2008-11-19T20:56:00.000-08:00

So...this last week Jaime has been acting up. Aggressively. Today he was at my parents house and I guess he started his aggressive streak that includes stalking and growling Kuma the akita. My mom puts Jaime in his place, flips him over and yells at him. He is so scared by her dominance that he pees. Right after she disciplines him he follows her around and respects her to no end.

I go to pick him up in the afternoon and he only has eyes for my mom, I guess he likes control. I go into the front yard with him. My mom gets in her car to go back to work and I go to get my bike to bike home. Jaime freaks out that he can't go with my mom in her car. She backs up and leaves the drive-way. I figure he will stay with me, like he always does. But no. Now that we have established my mom as the boss he turns and chases her car. She doesn't hear me screaming after him (he doesnt hear me either) nor does she see him chasing her car. She turns onto 8th street and starts driving. Jaime is running, glued to her bumper, at close to 30 mph. I get on my bike and chase the two of them. Cars pass and stare and point...there is a dog in the right lane running the speed of a car. There is a car behind him, leaving him room, just like any car would. He continues to run for a few blocks in the lane, at the speed of the other cars. Sam who is sitting in the back of my mom's car stares out the window and watches Jaime the whole time. My mom realizes he is staring and looks out her window to see what he is staring at- a blur of fur. She pulls over and sure enough Jaime tries to jump in her car with a huge smile on his face.

The pound lied. My dog is no Australian Shepard mix. He is some sort of Greyhound.

Wishes do come true

2008-11-18T17:32:00.000-08:00

I've been bad about posting. For multiple reasons. First off...this quarter my thesis adviser told me to write a story/ten pages a week until November 8th. I found that blogging was a great way to get into the "writing" mode and it was a good form of procrastination. So as you can see I almost posted weekly during the time I was supposed to be writing a story. I did complete the ten pages-a story a week- for five weeks straight. I was so tired and never in my life would have thought I could have written that much. I have written 60 pages in 6 weeks. That's a lot. I want to keep writing, but it seems without the deadlines it is hard to do. Also- my other course work has been piling up. I have been grading student papers up the wazoo. Every time I grade a bunch I get a huge headache. I really do like my students though. It makes me happy to see a student improve (this is essay #2) based on the feedback I gave them. It makes me happy to be able to get them to talk in discussion section when they won't say a peep for the first ten or so minutes. Once I drop an exercise/activity on them they turn it into a productive and insightful conversation. Yesterday it was about immigration and literature. One of my favorite topics.
This last weekend I went to a really fun party/open mic. I didn't read of course, but it was fun to bond with the first year creative writing graduate students. So life is moving along, but is busy.

I am sooo ready for the holidays.

Here are some pictures from my Birthday trip to Chico:

This one was a birthday wish come true.

Win some, lose others

2008-11-06T18:29:00.001-08:00

I've been holding off writing, because I knew it would be just an angry ranting post.
Actually- I typed a response to the election a few times and deleted it. It was liberating to just watch the words disappear while holding down the backspace button.

Don't get me wrong. I was overjoyed and extremely happy that Obama was elected president. I almost can't believe it is all over and this educated, young, motivated, democrat is our president.

Although my obama high was killed the next morning when I found out California decided to rape same sex couples of their legal civil rights. Pretty much the words that ran through my head in my disappointed state were: "WHAT THE HELL?" "HYPOCRITES" and "CALIFORNIA? Come,on."

But I have sat on it for over 24 hours and even though I still think those things I also think optimistic thoughts. Such as change being an incredibly slow thing. I mean good things happen, eventually. It is crazy to think segregation of african americans happened in our parents and grandparents lifetime. You just have to be patient, but it is sometimes so hard for me to wrap my head around the idea of equality being an issue. I still don't understand how same-sex marriage will affect a marriage between a man and a woman. Or how we should prevent same-sex marriage because it will be taught in schools. Since when was marriage ever taught in schools?

It is just so silly and hard for me to try and imagine the other side. Passing proposition eight is not preventing homosexual relationships or families. They're still gonna happen. People are going to continue to love whomever they want- regardless or sex, race, religion. A state's vote isn't going to stop anyone from sharing love and even a life with children, shared bank accounts, and a house together (all these things that married hetrosexual couples have and share, but with the legal rights).

Its all so ridiculous.

Really.

I mean who cares if your same-sex neighbors have a marriage license to their name? A marriage license that you will never see, nor will it ever affect you?

It doesn't matter. And it shouldn't be an issue. It's just not fair. Think about all those people that are affected. People that are just like the rest of us. People that might bag your groceries for you, teach your child at school, live next door to you, and even be a part of your own family. All these people are now second-class citizens in the State of California.

I'll think positive though. I'll end positive: Obama. I'm proud of you. You've got quite a mess of a country on your hands, but I can already perceive positive outcomes.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-31T11:40:00.000-07:00

I promise you...these pictures were not a "set-up".
I put two pumpkins on the ground, ready to carve...and this is what happens (It was hilariously too funny to pass up a photo-opt)

The Curiosity of Human Nature

2008-10-30T18:23:00.000-07:00

Last night there was a bad accident in front of my apartment. They blocked the street-both ways for almost 40-45 minutes. I was emailing my friend and listening to music with headphones in, but I still heard the accident- even with the music in my ears. There were screeching brakes and then screaming to slow down. The panic of an emergency is felt throughout the area even if there is a separation through walls, an apartment. There's a cross walk on the street from my apartment complex to the market place (stores, jamba juice, petco, etc.). It seems like a group of people were walking across the cross walk and a car ran into them. They probably were not even thinking they were in danger- walking. Yet it was bad. A girl lay in the middle of the road- motionless. The ER crews arrived and they worked on her for almost thirty minutes before loading her into am ambulance. Another person lay against the sidewalk. He was responsive but also was taken away in the ambulance. A group of students stood across the street, clustered at the bus stop, waiting to go to class or the library. They were witness to it all. The driver's car was jammed into the sidewalk, fishtailed from the road, trying to stop. The cops were interviewing people. Other's came out of their apartments in pajamas wondering what was going on. Clusters formed. The curiosity of human nature is beyond me. I am at fault. Part of me is curious and wants to know what happened, I feel sorrow, I feel guilty for looking, I feel shaken up by the images. Why are people so drawn to see something like this? Is it the uncertainty of death?
Jaime was curious about the whole thing. He couldn't sleep all night. Restless he grunted and growled. He barked at the door. I took him outside thinking he would need to pee, but he stood facing the cross walk and barked at nothing with his hackles up. Dogs know. They have instincts. I am convinced Jaime knew something was going on there. He could smell the washed blood from the road. The soap suds collecting in the gutter. I worry. I worry about the family. I worry about the people that were hit. I worry about the driver who has to live with this.
I searched the news but find nothing. Just as the incident was witness to so many people it disappears. The multiple people and dogs that are now part of the experience, may never know the people or learn what happened, are shaken-stuck-question human nature.

Pictures from Tomales Bay

2008-10-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

You never can stand in the same water twice.

2008-10-27T11:15:00.000-07:00

My last day of being 24 and I am exhausted. The last week I have been at the Tomales Bay Writers Conference. There was no time for anything but reading and writing. All my work has been pushed aside, my sleep has been compromised, and now I am "catching up". All my students are emailing asking me when their midterms will be graded. I have not even started on the pile. Sigh.

It is odd to sit here and think this is the only time in my lifetime I will ever be 24 years old. Some author at some point once said something like this.... You can never stand in the same water in your life. He, I remember it being a he (perhaps one of those existentialists), was referring to a creek or river. The water is constantly moving due to the current so when you stand in it, the current rushes by, and within a split second the water will be different-never the same again. Somehow on my last day of being 24 I think of this metaphor. I reflect on life being like a creek or river, the water being time- every living second or moment.

Tomorrow when I wake up I will be 25. There is no stopping time no returning to the past. I'm all ok with this though. You see on Saturday night I had this vivid dream. In my dream I was five months pregnant and I felt the baby kicking for the first time. I could swear to anyone that I can tell you exactly how a baby kicking feels. The dream was probably one of the most vivid experiences I have ever had without ever experiencing the act of pregnancy myself. I woke up and thought I was pregnant, was excited, then realized this is not a possibility since it was time to change my tampon. Then I thought about my dream and about getting older. I had a moment of yearning, a moment of being sad that I am not pregnant. I thought how I am turing 25 and how I am still not published, still not pregnant (my mom was my age when she had me), and still have the whole world to explore.

Then I thought about the river or the creek and the water. I thought how there really isn't anything sad about turning 25. Life moves on. These things that I have not accomplished yet should not be compared to my age. Even if you get older and there are still things you are waiting for, wanting, you need to focus on the current water you are standing in because that moment will never be the same thing again. I might not have a book in my hand, I might not have a baby in my belly, but I have things and have accomplished things that brought me to this moment in the creek. A moment I will never experience again but will add to all the moments that become the river of my life.

So in reflecting back to all the things that happened to me in the 24th year of my life- here are my moments I will remember, the moments that have passed but will allow me to experience the new moments in life- the new currents, the new water that only comes because of what has sped past:

-Mushroom Hunting was a high light of turning 24. I hunted my very first mushrooms on my 24th birthday when I was able to wake up in my favorite place in the whole world: Mendocino. Then later in the year many more successful mushroom hunts followed. Mushroom hunting became one of my favorite hobbies- something that connected me to my cultural heritage, my family, and a place I love.

- I started graduate school and completed a very intense first year. I felt tired all the time but more accomplished than ever in my life. I realized writing is something that makes me feel better than anything else in life. I love every moment of school and am learning more than I ever thought I was capable of learning.

-This last week when I worked with Dorothy Allison, author of Bastard out of Carolina, she told me... Writing is the BEST poverty there is because of the feeling that comes along with it. She then proceeded to tell me that my story was "A Fine Mother Fucking Piece of Work." It confirmed to me that writing is what I am meant to do.

- I celebrated a wonderful holiday time with my family filled with drinking, happiness, jokes, and love

- I went to Napa for the first time in my life and experienced the joys and pitfalls (hangover) of wine tasting.

- I spent some of the best time with my best friend that I have known from childhood. I experienced her lovely and perfect wedding and was able to share so many moments that only reaffirmed to me how perfect our friendship was and has come to

- I went to a wonderful writers conference in Mendocino and met an agent that gave me hope that one day I just might have the material that could become published

- I went to costa rica and had a journey of a lifetime

-I also did two very hard things this year: I learned how difficult it was to say goodbye to members of your family: Pablo's sudden death and then making the decision to put Brown Boy to sleep.

I have had the year of my life. 24 was good. 24 was a year I think I have matured more than ever. I am excited for 25 and I am ready to see what the current has in store for me this year.

Life After School

2008-10-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

As much as I love school it has started to cross my mind that in June I need to have something lined up to do. Unless I stop writing my thesis and fail on an attempt to stay in school longer.

As much as I love class, writing, and school work...I don't think I can do the whole Phd thing. But I also hate working in an office job.

Here are my top job choices:

Unrealistically I would love to travel the world, everything paid of course, and write food reviews and books.

That is dream job #1

Dream job #2 is living in the forest/mendocino and writing all day long- everything paid of course.

Since both of those jobs are probably not going to happen...here are two choices that seem somewhat attainable and perhaps a possibility...(well really probably not possibilities, but they would be awesome places to work for)

College of the Redwoods- in Fort Bragg- is hiring a Creative Writing professor. This is rare. Most city colleges only hire english professors for comp. lit. I only meet some requirements though...I will have my masters....but I also need something published. Perhaps I can bypass this or get something published.

Second job...well...there are no open positions, but this really really is a lovely publishing house that I would kill to work at. Probably the only job I would agree to sit in an office for. It's called Ten-Speed Press. They have a children's book division called Tricycle Press. This is where i would want to be. http://www.tenspeed.com/?zenid=fac29086a9c8428ebb7319791e6f3d36
Plus. It's in Berkeley.

My very own class

2008-10-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

It's official.

Next quarter I am scheduled to teach my own class. Tuesdays and Thursdays 4:10-6pm. It has it's own crn number, is in the schedule of classes, and everything. Chordas, M. is the listed instructor. I am so excited and nervous all in one. This weekend I need to choose two text books I will assign my students then I need to work on the syllabus. I need a book that is more instructional on the craft of fiction and then a anthology of short stories. I am choosing 30/30- 30 short stories from the last 30 years for the short story collection...but I need to look at a few more craft books before I make my decision. I like Bird by Bird by Anne Lammott...but I want to make sure there isn't anything else out there.
How Exciting!

The Woes of Grad School

2008-10-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

I used to say at a certain point of the evening I was done with school- no more- I shut down and couldn't produce anything worth it. Now it is different. Now I count the hours of non-sleeping and strategically try to pack it with alternating subjects- writing, reading, teaching, grading, planning.

Grad school is the most time consuming thing I have ever done. Not only is it eating all my time, but here are some other things I have developed along with school 24/7:

- I have acne worse than ever in my life- completely stress related- and there is no product that will make it go away.

- I got my first gray hair (how is it fair to have gray hair and acne at the same time?!?)

- I now drink almost daily. Alcohol. It calms my stress levels

- I don't have time for much of anything- I use my "free" time to write.

The good thing about grad school is that I am completely happy. I have never written so much in my life. This is such a good thing. I'm writing on average twelve pages a week. This is huge. I used to write twelve pages in a month, at the most. Writing makes me feel good and I realize there is no other time in my life I will be able to have this time and money to just write.

Teaching is going ok. I am more confident every time I teach and I realize I am pretty good at thinking on my toes when standing in front of the classroom. It is crazy to look at my students and realize most of them were not even alive in the 1980s. I guess grad school makes you feel older.

Even though I make sacrifices- I still try to have some down time where I can relax. This weekend I had to give up going to SLO to visit Palina, because of grading and a faculty reading where I had to introduce. Yep. I stood in front of a whole lot of people, including the chair of the english dept. and spoke into a microphone. I think I am getting better at it, because today I received an email saying I did such a good job they want me to introduce an author at the Tomales Bay Writers Conference next week. I'm going to get nervous all over again, but the more I do it, the better? Right?

Well I took care of my responsibilities and then was able to watch one of Philippe's water polo games. I was so happy to go. I feel guilty that I have never seen one of his games until now and we went to the same college. They are very fun to watch and I can't wait to see more.

Here is a little of some other story I have been writing. The last one I posted...well the last I wrote about the kid that runaway, he made it to Costa Rica thanks to a ride from Junior and he robbed a family. That was that story. Here is the new one (it takes place in Lebanon) and is just a teaser.

Human Tradition

Nim pulled her head scarf snug against her face, opened the door of her family’s single bedroom flat, and walked out into the market to fall in love.
She expected her mother to call her back into the flat from the window with rusty bars, she thought her father would rush outside and walk sternly by her side. Instead Nim was swept into the market’s crowd of forbidden Lebanese customers who were shopping for weekly vegetables, kibbeh, figs, and tobacco. Leaving her home was not acceptable but Nim was tired of watching the market and wanted to breath in the kicked up dust, smell the heat of the people walking closely to each other, and feel the sense of power that came along with walking on her own.
“Ahalan was sahalan” welcome and welcome vendors would call out to her as she slipped past familiar stalls her family often purchased oranges, lemons, or minced lamb from. She didn’t realize it would be this easy and couldn’t imagine when she would return. After turning two street corners and down an alley she spotted the small table arranged under the crooked sunflower printed umbrella. Bashir stood under the umbrella dunking a ladle into the clear bowl filled with purple liquid, pouring it into paper cups, and handing it to thirsty shoppers.
“Out on your own?” he asked Nim who slid behind the table next to Bashir. His breath smelled like milk and cloves. It was unbearably hot. Nim felt like the market stalls and narrow streets were closing in on her.
“Can I have some jallab?” Nim nodded her head towards the bowl containing the cold liquid. Bashir always made more money than his father selling jallab. Nim’s parents were convinced it was because he still looked like a boy and all the fathers with young daughters were interested in introducing themselves. Even though he was nineteen he still did not have a speck of dark hair on his chin and his face was pale and smooth like a shell found on the shores of the Mediterranean. His slanted blue eyes were a contrast to Nim’s deep jade colored ones. Nim was two years younger and had a face that was dark olive and rough. It wasn’t a secret that Nim and Bashir would be married once Nim became a woman. Nim was thin, petite, and half of her mother’s friends were convinced she was cursed because she hadn’t started yet. Nim didn’t tell her mother that each night, nervous to discover her fate was near; she peeled away the layers of her silk garments and praised Allah to find clean white panties. Bashir was like a brother to her and the thought of marrying him made her nauseous. She would try today though. She would try to look at him differently, with excitement, and forget that they were once children together.
Bashir grunted and pushed a cup filled with the purple liquid towards Nim without even looking at her. Sticky liquid rushed over the side of the cup. Leaning against the stone building that the table backed-up into, Nim gulped the grape molasses and rose water in three sips. “Are you going to drink like that when we’re married?” Bashir crossed his arms and lifted a nostril.
“Are you going to let me walk the market on my own?” Nim crumpled the paper cup in her hand and threw it at Bashir’s chest. Laughing she ran from behind the table and back into the welcoming throb of the market-goers where she crashed into someone’s back.
A cloud of dust rose as Nim hit the ground, chin first. Her crooked bottom row of teeth hit her top row as her stomach lay still against the dirt alley floor. After a pause, the crowd continued to walk around Nim. Husbands hurrying their wives, wives wiping the snot of their children’s faces, teenagers walking loyally behind their families, barley hitting the top of Nim’s head with a basket full of oranges. She could hear Bashir laugh with a grunt and then the fast constant pour of liquid into cups. Jolted, Nim lifted her head, meeting two unfamiliar rows of perfectly white manicured toes that stood before her.

Full Swing of Things

2008-10-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

Fall has arrived. The cool weather is bringing anticipation and excitement for mushroom hunting. We booked a place for New Years in Mendocino. I can't wait. School has swept in and is keeping me busy. Workshop is critical, detailing, yet inspiring. I have been teaching two discussion sections which are going well. Sometimes it is hard to get the students to talk, but I find that I can think on my toes and make connections with our texts faster when I am standing up in front of a class. Improve is how I like to see it. All of my extra time goes to writing my thesis. I have to turn in 10 pages EVERY week. It has been a challenge, but it is good for me: forcing me to write.

Last week at the Davis Humanities Institute (where I work ten hours a week) we had a fall reception. Of course I was assigned the job as the bartender:

Jaime is enjoying the cooler weather in my parents backyard with Sam:

This past Saturday I went with Lisa to San Francisco to relax. We had delicious Indian food for lunch, watched the LoveFest Parade, listened to some music at the festival, ran into Palina, and did some shopping:

The Best Skit Ever

2008-09-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

Last night I was watching Saturday Night Live and I couldn't stop laughing...
This is the best political skit ever

Back to School I go...

2008-09-25T18:57:00.001-07:00

Today was the first day back to school. I had this major realization that in less than a year I will have a book written, have taught my own class, and have a masters degree to my name. It was a scary thought. A moment when I worry and think I don't know what to do next.

I had my fiction workshop this afternoon. The professor is the newly hired Yiyun Li from Mills College. I had no idea what to expect and was nervous because last spring I requested her to be on my thesis committee without even taking a class with her. It was a risky move, but I love her stories and figured I would go for it.

Today I am so happy I made that decision. I can tell Yiyun will be an excellent mentor and instructor- she is anxious, funny, and knowledgable. In just three hours with her I was inspired to come home and write something new- no deadline, no assignment, just blank page. That has never happened before. I have not written all summer. But here is a start...to something new...not sure where or what it will turn into...but it is a start.....

The night I left, I snuck into my mother’s room while she was sleeping in bed with her boyfriend. He had one hairy leg that hung off the bed and out of the covers that melted into his upper thigh. His leg hair was curly and darker higher up on his leg. My cheeks turned red with anger and embarrassment under my sweatshirt hood. I knew he was naked, but didn’t look away. My mother’s room smelled stale like a pond unwilling to dry up at the end of a hot summer. I ran my thumb across the letter I wrote earlier and meant to leave on her night table next to the Tiffany necklace she always wore. She was capable of lying. She told me her boyfriend wasn’t serious and the necklace wasn’t from him. I picked up the heavy necklace and stuffed it into the sweatshirt pocket with my letter. I never kissed my mother on the cheek or looked at her one last time before I disappeared.
I’m sure there’s been a lot of speculation about what happened to me, but that’s the least of my worries. I sold the necklace, bought a pistol, and made it across the border. Sometimes I worry that only a fence divides me from my mother, that the land is really the same thing. When I crossed the border the sand didn’t change color, the dried yellow bushes were the same, and the freeway was even the same. Adelita tells me the further south I go the greener it will be. Adelita works at the food stands down the road from her house. Everyday after lunch I sit on her patio and watch as she heads down the highway on foot with her baskets filled with eggs and flour. I usually just sit on the porch, listen to the radio, and polish my gun with a dirt covered rag dipped in lard.
Five years ago, when I was ten, I remember my dad coming home from gassing up the jeep. I was ready and waiting. I had his M70 out and was rolling the bullets out of their new box, counting out twenty rounds. The bullets reminded me of the rolly-pollies I used to capture under the wet broken tree branches in our yard.
“Ready kiddo?” he said to me, walking up to our front porch of the house in San Diego. “I gotta pee; put the stuff in the car. Did your mom make us some sandwiches to take?” He didn’t even wait for an answer as he walked passed me and into the house.
I stuffed the gun, bullets, and a jacket into the back of his jeep. Even though I wanted to sit in the driver’s seat and test the steering wheel out like old times, I waited in the passenger seat. Dad came back outside wearing his hunting vest and holding a brown sandwich bag in his hand. Mother stood on the porch, watching us. She was a pale woman, blond hair cut short to frame her face, with a jade colored brooch hooked unto her pink sweater. The expression on her face was a mixture of hurt and confusion. Before she could say a word, dad turned on the engine and roared out of the driveway. I wonder if mom met her boyfriend back then, or what she ever really did when we were hunting.
When Adelita came home from the food stands she smelled like flour and burnt bread. She always had her black hair pulled back into a bun and complained how tourists in bikinis would buy a tortilla from her only to take a bite and throw it to the street dogs. We would sit on her tile floor and look at old catalogues. She was very fussy about getting my hair cut and insisted that if I was going to runaway I needed a new look. I didn’t get how a boy could change his look when his hair was already pretty short. Adelita told me she once knew a boy who ran away from Nicaragua. He had to dye his hair red and cut bangs. Adelita liked to talk about a lot of things, like drug trafficking, new hotels opening up, and who must have made it north across the border. She never asked me why I ran away or who I was running from. Adelita wasn’t worried that I had a gun and no passport. “It’s your decision, but south? Why south?” She would ask me in Spanish.
“I just want to have some fun,” I would respond, silently thanking my mother for sending me to Spanish immersion even when I resisted. I pulled at my sun burnt ear and stared at Adelita’s catalogues with the turned in pages.

Wedding Joy

2008-09-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

This last weekend I was able to share one of the most amazing days with two people I care about so much. On Thursday I drove up to Redding to help Katie prepare, decorate for her wedding on Saturday. Even though I was extremely nervous about giving a speech it was so much fun decorating and spending time with Katie and her family. It was like old times and made me miss spending time with the Tower's family. I just feel so comfortable with them and it is always happy times.

The wedding on Saturday was the most beautiful wedding I have ever experienced- it was perfect. Katie and Paul are so perfect for each other. Their vows- amazing...they both wrote practically the same vow without knowing it and it just shows how they are meant to be. There was lots of good food, dinner, friends, family, and laughter. I met some of Paul's friends who were amazing and great people too. My speech went well...and I was happy I was able to say it to Paul and Katie in front of all their family and friends. Taking pictures through downtown Redding was especially fun and getting ready. It was great to get a manicure with Katie and just relax they day before. It was fun cutting out many oak leaf table placement tags, hanging strips of fabric in the orchard trees, and painting wooden wedding signs. The whole wedding was just the way every little girl should dream their wedding as being.

The only not so fun part is that I got sick. Not too much partying sick- but a flu. I feel so icky and achy and not fun. At least the sickness waited till after the wedding but now I have to start school and it is not so much fun. I have orientations all week and today was a struggle. I just want to get better :(

I worry then dream of backpacks

2008-09-15T18:04:00.000-07:00

The weekends fly by way too fast. I have alot to do and it is impossible to finish it all in a weekend, so then I stress. Last night I couldn't sleep from 2:30a-4:30a because I had way to much on my mind:

+rewriting a story to turn in before Thursday to be workshopped at Tomales Bay
+Paying my school fees (still crossing my fingers the refund goes through this week so I do have money to pay)
+Finalizing speech for Katie and Paul's wedding for this weekend and the gift
+Having minor freak out episodes of reading something I wrote out-loud at the wedding in front of many people
+Having minor freak out episodes of being able to TA and write a thesis starting next week

So after laying awake worrying for an hour I lost an hour in Juhmpa Lahiri's new short story collection. I admire her so much. I seriously can't think of a writer that can write a better short story. You just finish her stories and smile because her craft is AMAZING.

This weekend I did have fun which probably added to me not finishing alot of things which lead to no sleeping. Palina came home so we watched movies, played video games, went shopping, had tasty drinks, and ate the most delish sushi buffet lunch ever. We decided not to eat anything until lunch so we were starving and truely got our money's worth. I ate 16 peices of sushi on top of tempura. We had to unbutton our pants after that lunch.

Along with worrying I dreamt of things...
I really want this backpack (I've had the same backpack for 6 years- the zipper is broken and it is so worn down my back aches after wearing it) I do need a new one, but of course the one I love is not cheap:

Some more puppy pictures

2008-09-10T07:33:00.000-07:00

I've been spending alot of time at my parents house- helping with the puppy. Jaime loves it, because his favorite place in the world is my parents house and now he gets to go on a daily basis.
Here are pictures my Pop took over the weekend:

Regents and Republicans

2008-09-04T08:18:00.000-07:00

Stumbled upon this picture today. Thought it was hilarious. The republican party makes me mad. I could rant for hours about many things, but I think this picture says it all: why keep it hidden? Good for Palin for drinking red wine and embracing her sexuality. Don't be a hypocrite about it and try to deny pictures like these. Also check out the McCain site and his new little video clip where he shines as a star through the summer of love. It is terrible.

I am also quite frustrated with the UC Regents. They could be just as bad as the Republican party. Like always they decided to raise tuition this year- I didn't think anything of it because since I started grad school last fall they covered all my costs. I get an email from my counselor telling me I need to pay my bill by the end of next week. I go what bill? I have not paid one bill to the regents since I started grad school. Only to find out that my grant only pays the amount they offered when I entered school last fall, so if the tution goes up that means I pay the difference. GRRRR....somehow I don't remember this in the small print.

Also....they are making me go through so much red tape just to get a reimbursement for the mendocino writers conference they were supposed to pay for. I submitted all the paperwork and receipts but now they say I have to do some mytravel crap online. I go online to log on and they wont let me because I am not authorized. So I call mytravel and they tell me to call the computer guys so I call them last Friday. They said I have two accounts: student and staff and the computer is freaking out because they don't know who I am. So I clear it up and they tell me they will merge my accounts so I can log on to complete the refund stuff. They tell me I will be able to log on Tuesday. It is now Thursday and I still can't log on. So I still can't get my money from the regents that will just be returned to them. Can't we just call it even and then I don't have to waste time to get money to pay them back with? GRRRRRRRRRRRR

Meet the new Pup

2008-09-02T18:01:00.001-07:00

Jaime can't bite the puppy- he know's "gentle"

Although the puppy bites him and Jaime tries so hard to be gentle

They're both a bunch of trouble

New Baby

2008-09-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

After a full week at work I have decided I am ready for school to start. Summer was nice, but I am so bored with working all the time. School is busy, but at least it gives me more down time. It was nice to pair my first week back to work with a long weekend. Every weekend should be a long weekend.

To get back into the American culture I went on a shopping spree at Target and bought some new cute sheets for my bed. Along with dog toys to spoil my pootch.

On Sunday I went with my mom and sister to look at a puppy. After a year of recovering from the loss of their border collie my parents were ready for a new companion. My sister found an ad in the sac bee, called the lady, and we were off.

We drove out into the country of sacramento (off 99) and up to a trailer home in the dirt. The lady told us the puppies were under the stairs of the trailer home. We walked up to find three curled up border collies sleeping in the dirt. We pulled them out one by one. The girl looked at us, irritated that we woke her up, and went to find shade under a tree. She ignored our calls. The short haired boy yawned and went back under the stairs. The long haired boy saw us, wagged his tail, and would not stop licking us. I got up and walked a distance away and the puppy ran and jumped into my lap. Within five minutes my mom said, that's the one. He has been waiting for us. I asked her if she was sure and reassured her we can wait longer if she isn't ready yet. The whole five minutes we were there she couldn't stop talking to the lady about Pablo. I wanted to be sure she was ready. My mom pulled out her check book and within ten minutes the new baby was driving home with us. It felt right. He totally chose us. It was like he was waiting for us. We all got a little teary eyed in the car, because the puppy totally looks like a baby Pablo. Soon afterwards we realized he has his own little personality and is quite mischevious.

Yesterday we took him to the beach with Kuma and Jaime. He sleeps most the time, but when he is awake he gets into trouble and Jaime is enthralled with him. Jaime just watches him like he is some amazing little thing- like there is something that could actually get into more trouble than Jaime. The puppy tore up some paper. While he was doing this Jaime was watching him like what the heck is he doing. As soon as the puppy left the paper Jaime looked at us to see if we were watching...as soon as we turned away Jaime sneakingly took the paper and ran outside. He wanted it so badly, but was trying so hard to be good.

So now we have a new member of the family...and we think we're calling him Sam.

American Culture Shock

2008-08-25T18:05:00.001-07:00

I am back in the U.S. of A.

Everything feels so off...more so than when I went to Europe. It is like an American culture shock.
Near the end of our trip I missed home and my dog, but now I am home and I miss the dirt streets, spanish filling the streets, cheap beer, fruit sold in cardboard boxes, large money, people constantly having their houses open to all who pass, kids playing soccer, howling monkeys, not flushing toilet paper, darkness at 6pm and day light at 5am. I miss the rice and beans, fresh fish, and the lush green undeveloped land. I miss the community small village feeling.

The second half of our trip was amazing. We went from rural coastal villages to more touristy places. Even though there was less wildlife and more developed lodging it was much needed. We enjoyed soaking in thermal springs near a volcano, riding horses through pastures, many hikes through cloud forests, going to way cute and expensive art galleries in the mountains and buying equally cute art/paintings. The flight back was a rush. We had an hour delay. Our layover in Texas was only an hour and twenty minutes, so with the delay we had twenty minutes to get through the airport, customs, get our bags, re check our bags...it was a rush. I have never been through an airport at such high running speeds. I can't believe we made the flight- all ten of us. Although two bags were left behind in Houston and didn't make it to Sacramento until the next day.

Now I need to adapt to the American way: the money that feels small in my hands, the clean grocery stores, the closed house doors, the inclusive people, constant cars, light skies into the night, and late mornings.

Costa Rica Adventures Continue

2008-08-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

I am now at a Resort in the mountains of costa Rica' Termales del Bosque. We will be here for two nights. There are these natural thermal pools in the middle of the forest that are relaxing.
Yesterday we left Tortpguero a little village on an island that you could only get to by a boat. We were there for four nights. I got my hair braided and look like a full blown Jamaican now. You will never believe how dark my skin is. I don´t think I have ever been this dark. THe little village had small paths to walk between shops, restaurants which were really people´s homes, and the beach. You could stand in the middle of the island and see the beach on one side and the river on the other. THere were lots of little kids and families which made it feel more safe. My dad bought a soccer ball and started a pick up game with all the little costa rican boys. One little boy took charge and divided the teams the gringos or us. It was really fun to watch. When we left my dad gave the little boy the soccer ball and his face lit up. He started turning to each person that passed him and show off his soccer ball saying look what the white man gave me. It was just so nice to truly experience the culture and the small village we were in. It was really hot and humid though and Lisa wasn´t doing too well' also probably because she is really affected still by the robbery. I am trying to talk her into getting a massage here at the resort, but all she wants to do is sleep. I feel so bad and sorry she had to go through that. It poured rain last night and I got soaking wet because the thief has my rain jacket. It was not fun.
It is so odd here because I wake up every morning at 5am. It is so bright out by then. Even though we are only an hour ahead it will be hard adjusting schedules.
Oh at the small village we also watched a green sea turtle come out of the ocean and lay eggs. it was amazing.

Costa Rica Adventures

2008-08-14T13:14:00.000-07:00

Boy oh Boy....let me tell you....a vacation with me is an adventure. We have had a calm relaxing day today and last night which was really needed. Sunday thru Wed. we staying in the Rasta village of Cahuita. It had beautiful white sand beaches, monkies everywhere (I thought I was in a zoo) and good soul food. I got to take my little sister out drinking to bars, I got sick one night...too much rum.
THe water was so warm in the ocean. I was playing in the waves one day and was taken out, spun upside down...I hit my head pretty hard on the bottom, chipped my front tooth, and now I have a bump on my head. I knew I was ok, because my first thought was oh no I don{t want to go to a hospital. If I am thinking that logical then I knew I was ok. Just a headache and a tiny chip...just a v shape between my two front teeth. The family is now calling my Chippy.

Our last night in the Rasta village was terrible. Our huts were in this beautiful garden a little out of town. Maybe 100 meters.Lisa was feeling really sick from the maleria medicine so she went to our hut so she could go to bed. I stayed out in the kitchen hut about 30 feet away with my parents and sister. Around 10pm at night Lisa is screaming. So we run out there and find out someone crawled through the window stole all her money, about 500 bucks, put on my rain jacket and stole it, took my camera charger, and her camera. THe worst part of it all is he was wearing a mask so she couldn{t identify him and he pointed a gun at her head. So she was really trauamtized and I had to give her a zanax. We were really shooken up, I couldnt go to sleep until it was light again outside and then only slept an hour. I felt so bad for her and mad that I let her go to the room alone. But it could have been worse. At least he didnt do anything to her. It was all really scary and we were happy to get out of there. I am mostly pissed about my battery charger because now when I run out of battery power no more pictures.

Now we are in a safer place with tons of kids, good food, and we are staying right by the police station. IT can only get better from here on out.

Estoy in Costa Rica

2008-08-09T18:58:00.000-07:00

I am finally here. Costa Rica. The flight wasn't as bad, because I had one and a half zanax and I felt completely relaxed. We spent half a day in the city so far. Our hotel is so cute, but the city is pretty dirty. There are also so many street dogs, which makes me feel so helpless and sad.

My blonde sisters etract everyone. It feels so odd walking down the street and having guys pasted at their windows staring and hooting.

We did have amazing food tonight though. I had a grilled sea bass with black beans, rice, and plantains and two beers...amazing. It feels like only a preview to the tasty carribbean food that awaits us.

My spanish is all coming back. People speak to me and I answer. I feel more comfortable here with the language than when I was in Germany after taking three levels!

Even though it is only 8pm I am tired after a red-eye. I am off to bed in our eco hotel with a garden in the middle of a city. I sit in my hotel with free Internet, smoke a tasty Costa Rican cigar with rum and enjoy the luxury before the village life tomorrow.

then a four hour drive to Cahuita tomorrow!

Chao until next time

I am Off to Costa Rica....

2008-08-08T15:22:00.000-07:00

here is the plan in case I disappear into the jungles....

Arrive San Jose August 9th- 12noon

Stay at Hotel aranjuez in San Jose for one night

Leave August 10-travel to Cahuita

Stay 3 nights in Alby Lodge August 10-13

Travel to Tortuguero August 13

Stay 4 nights in Casa Marbella August 13-17 (watch turtles hatch and go into the ocean)

Travel to Ciudad Quesada/San Carlos August 17

Stay 2 nights in Termales del Bosque (relax in hotsprings )

Travel to Monteverde/Santa Elena August 19th

Stay 4 nights in Arco Iris August 19-23

Tentative Schedule

August 9^th- Arrive in San Jose, check-in to hotel. Possible activities: Outdoor market, Old town (shops), Museums and shopping in downtown

August 10^th- Drive to Cahuita in the morning arrive afternoon. Explore town

August 11^th- Cahuita National Park/Beach/Swimming

August 12^th- Sloth & wildlife tour (pick-up at hotel 10:30am) tour will start at 11am and last 3 hr

Lunch in town then shopping in town or beach relaxing

August 13^th- travel to Tortuguero, check in, explore town

August 14^th- Wildlife tour with Daryl Loth in the boats

August 15^th- Beach/hiking national park and Turtle tour

August 16^th – Nothing planned

August 17^th- Travel to Termales del Bosque (relax in hot springs) or if more time hike in national park

August 18^th- Horseback riding? Or Orphan Zoo (one mile from hotel) or hike in national park

August 19^th- Travel to Arco Iris/Monteverde and possible town exploration or craft center

August 20^th- Hike in Monteverde National Park

August 21^st- Pick up at hotel at 10:30 to go to La Selvatura for hanging bridges and zipline, afternoon can explore town/craft center/butterfly house. Pick up again at 5:15 pm for night time tour

August 22^nd- Ecological Park/ Coffee Tour/ Butterfly House/ More hiking (Nothing planned or scheduled)

August 23- Drive to San Jose and Fly home

Photos from Mendocino

2008-08-07T07:35:00.001-07:00

I'm Inspired

2008-08-03T18:21:00.001-07:00

These past five days I've been in Mendocino at a writers conference. My first conference and it was a great experience. I seriously learned so much. I guess after a full year of working with the same students and professors you feel a little stumped about where to go with your work, but after talking to new people that are passionate about writing and offer a whole new perspective, I feel positive and full of new ideas. I couldn't have asked for a better conference- it was low-key and not as intense as I heard conferences can get. I was def. one of the young'ens, but I really learned alot from talented and serious writers.

Here are the things I think I have learned:

- I can write a novel. I don't feel as scared anymore and I have to stop saying I don't know how...because I do know how.

- I can pitch my books as young adult with all my kid narrators

- I can't get published on my own, I need an agent.

- I have more confidence about one day being published. I know it is still hard, but at least it's not like grad school that tells me it will probably never happen to most of us.

- I met the most wonderful agent that is interested in my work and wants me to send it directly to her.

Neighborhood Mystery

2008-07-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

I had such a nice weekend- it flew by of course, but it was fun.
Saturday I just bummed around all day long watching movies and TV with Palina. Then I went with Lisa to have a Spanish night at Katie and Paul's in Sacramento. We had dinner, good beer, and played dice in spanish which is quite the fun game. Then Lisa and I went to my parents and played beer pong with Palina and Tony into the night.
Yesterday I went to Sacramento shopping at REI for Costa Rica stuff which was fun and made me realize this trip is really around the corner!
Weekends are too short though.

Last night odd things happened. I think something is up with our neighbor. Jaime started barking at about 1:20am because someone was knocking next door. Since we share a wall with them you can hear them open or close their doors and when there is knocking. It was weird because the knocking seemed to come from the front and back and almost like it was coming from inside...but otherwise no sound. After about twenty minutes straight of this we went back to sleep. Then woke up again at 2:00 am for more knocking which was getting louder. We thought maybe a roommate was locked out of something. Which is odd, because during the school year there are three girls that live there but they seem to be gone for the summer and are subletting to just one person. Then I thought maybe it is a relationship argument. Lisa and I lay in bed listening to this non-stop knocking. Then all of a sudden you hear a guy's deep voice: Please open the door. No response. I look out the window into the parking lot and there is a cop car. Then I remember how last week I saw two cop cars in our parking lot just sitting there. It was out of place. But why the hell would a cop want to get into your apt at 2am? The neighbor is quiet. She never makes any noise so it is not like a noise complaint. After about 5 minutes of no response the cop just leaves and the knocking stops.

so the mystery continues....
What is wrong with my neighbor?!??!?!?!?!

Costa Rica

2008-07-17T14:54:00.001-07:00

Costa Rica is getting oh so close. I am very excited but the nerves also get to me. I started thinking you know last time I went on a big trip something went wrong (our plane broke in Hawaii)...so what is the likely hood something will go wrong again?

Then I thought....

wait a minute. Something has gone wrong EVERY TIME I travel. Minor stuff but still....

Hotel Fiascoes in Paris

Room ransacked in Boston last year

Plane brakes in Hawaii

It must be me. So really something might just go wrong.

Mr. Brown Dog

2008-07-05T08:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I did one of the hardest things ever. I had to make the decision to put my childhood dog to sleep. Saying goodbye was harder than hell, but I knew it was the right time.

Mr Brown was named after the Rasta Song: Mr Brown is a Clown. His brown dreadlocked curls bounced with spunk through our home for almost 17 years. He was born in our house Friday, the 13th of December 1991 and he died withe the same family, July 4, 2008. The little guy had such a long lived, stress-free, and loving life. There is no doubt in my mind that he lived it to the fullest, it is just so hard to say goodbye.

For the past few years he has been getting worse. He lost his sight, he was deaf, he peed and pooped all over the house. The dog hung on to life and he loved food. On the 3rd he stopped eating and drinking. He couldn't really stand up anymore. He was peaceful and liked to sleep when you pet him. We were hoping he would just fall asleep and die peacefully. On Thursday night I spent 4 hours just sitting by him and petting him while he slept. Yesterday morning I went back to my parents house and things turned for the worse. He was whimpering more and he looked to be in the first stages of suffering. I looked into his eyes and I knew he wanted to feel better. He was so scared and it killed me to watch him when he started barking his little raspy bark. My mom and dad drove me to the vet with Brownie and I hugged him the whole time. I knew this was what I had to do. I held the little guy wrapped in my arms and told him I love him so much while the vet gave him the shot. He lifted his chin up on my shoulder to tell me everything felt better now and he died in my arms.

I hugged him all the way back to my parents house where we buried him in the back yard with his buddy Pablo Dog.

I am going to miss Brownie so much. I feel guilty like I wasn't there for him these past few years and I just left him at my parents. I knew he was happy there. He loved the Chordas house, but I still think back and wonder if I should have gone and spent more time with him, hold him, tell him that I always loved him and he was my number one dog. Did he think I just left him and didn't care any more? Did he start to get worse when I moved out of the house years ago because he missed me? When did he stop coming to greet me at the door when I came over? Then I felt guilty about Jaime. Why did I get another dog when I still had my Brownie. I hope Brownie never thought I was trying to replace him. I wish I took more pictures of him. Of course when something we love dies we question things and wonder what if I did this or thought this, but it is hard not too.

Before I left for college Brownie was my buddy. He was there everyday by my side. He followed me from room to room. He slept curled at the foot of my bed. I remember when I lived in the dorms at Santa Cruz one of the things missed most about home was feeling Brownie curled against my feet. That security, that emptiness was so hard. I hope it wasn't so hard for him as it was for me. He even curled up in the bathroom when I took a shower. That dog was loyal. He was always there for me when I needed him. In high school, when I thought I didn't have anyone to trust or talk to, I talked to my Brown dog. I know he understood.

He loved the beach so much and liked to be buried to the head. When I was in 9th grade in Drama we did the Wizard of Oz. I wrote a letter to the school asking if my little dog could be Toto. They let him and the Davis Enterprise wrote an article about him. The play was the highlight of his life. He would get so excited about going up onto stage and riding in Dorothy's basket.

My Brown dog was my childhood. His death feels like closure. A true end to an era. I found all my dairies from when I was 8 and how everyday I wrote about my puppy. I found all the pictures of Brownie always there, always part of our childhood games and life. It is so hard to think I won't see his brown eyes every-time I come by my parents' house. It is so hard to think back to the Vet's yesterday and knowing it was the final goodbye. He was 16 1/2 years old. There was no question he lived his life, but every ending is always hard and it is so hard to say goodbye to something you loved so much.

Katie's Bachelorette Party

2008-06-30T18:00:00.001-07:00

This weekend was so much fun. I have found that I really like wine tasting, it is quite fun...but I like the light wines. It was great that everyone had such a good time- the energy was amazing and it was so cool to finally meet and see how awesome all of Katie's friends were. We started the weekend Wine Tasting and with a picnic at Monticello who had an amazing pinot noir. Then we headed to Elyse winery, who after giving us a hard time about not having a reservation, served us more wine than I have consumed in a long time. After that we were all warm and fuzzy and went to another winery near by...and sigh...I can't remember the name (this is where it starts getting blurry). The 4th stop was Havens Winery where there was a cute bulldog that kept us company. After hitting four wineries we headed to the vacation house which was so comfortable and cute. It had a great backyard and hottub. Ellie and I decided to teach Katie how to play beer pong. Katie proved to be quite the champion beating us. After relaxing a little at the house we headed out to dinner at a vegetarian restaurant. The food was amazing and they gave us about 30 courses and a great dessert. Panchas dive bar in Yountville followed dinner where we continued to drink and play pool. Learning that Katie was a bachelorette we made many friends who quickly became enemies as soon as Katie was sick. We went back to the house and made it into the hottub...finally hitting the sack at 3am. The next morning was rough. My liver and stomach were angry with me.
When we headed out to the next winery at 11:30 am Katie and I bonded on the parkinglot ground wondering if we were going to live through the day. After crackers and medicine I felt a second wind. Katie felt better after more sick time.
The second winery- Reverie was so pretty. We had a tour and some more great wine. Followed by a great deli sandwich in Calistoga. The sandwich really was what helped me. We stopped by Frank Family Winery which was a little freaky. The wine maker was a manager of Walt Disney and it was so crowded since it was a free tasting. Feeling completely rejuvenated we headed to St. Suprey. They had one of the best Sauvignon blanc's I have ever had, so I had to buy a bottle. Then we ended at Castovino...which might be incorrect. Everything seems to blur by the end.
So 9 wineries in two days was quite the bunch. Sunday night we had a relaxing dinner in the house. Ellie and I decided to BBQ. Neither of us have ever done it before, but it was so very yummy.
The weekend was amazing. I really had such a great time with good people, good wine, and good food. I can't wait for the wedding!

Eylse Winery

Best Vegetarian Restaurant Ever

Struggling-Handicapped for sure

Morgan Saved the Day w/ Hang-over Remedies

Friends since Preschool!

Reverie Winery

Otto the Winedog at Havens

Rules of the game...

Ellie and I watch as the ball lands in the cup

Yummy BBQ in the backyard

Smoke Soup

2008-06-26T22:01:00.000-07:00

The smoke in California is killing me. It feels like some surreal movie where the world outside has caved in. I have had the worst headache in my life. My ears and sinus' are plugged which throws off my equilibrium making me dizzy and nauseous. I wonder if we'll be able to see stars and moons soon...or if this thick gray sky, that's like smoke soup will become a constant throbbing all over my head. No medication helps...only beer. I've been good all week trying to ride my bike to work, drive the GEM, and not use the car to add to the smog...but my breathing is getting worse.What is our planet coming too?

I've been working full time, meaning less time for writing and updating...but the money is good.

Last weekend I went with family to mendocino. It was so nice to escape the heat into 70 degree weather. It was fun to spend the weekend relaxing with the family. We played some good beer pong and found that my pop's is sure the beer pong champion. I guess you know you're a Chordas if you can play beer pong with the whole family.

Ana made Jaime into a Sand Stegasoras

Chordas Beer Pong Tournament

The Unbeatable Team

This next weekend I am driving into the fires to Napa for my best friend's bachelorette party that I planned. We're doing wine tasting and I rented us a vacation home in Napa with a hottub. I just wish the air would get better...but I am so excited for good times with good people this weekend.

My Summer Reading List

2008-06-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

Everyone should have a summer reading list. When I worked full time I never read much. I came home and my brain wasn't all amped up, I was like a zombie...I would just watch TV. But this summer I am very excited about reading. I love reading. I feel like my brain is awake and wants to just sit there and read. Here are the books I plan to read...Any other suggestions?

The Bookseller of Kabul
Sister of my Heart
Locke 1928
Unaccustomed Earth
The Hypocrisy Disco
Costa Rica a Travel Literary Companion

Nineteen Minutes

30/30: Thirty American Stories from the Last Thirty Years

Up from the UnderStory Shots

2008-06-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

Pictures from when the kids from Calaveras County came to visit UCDavis for their presentation, lunch, and tour:

Finger point up was the idea that they were growing Up from the forest floor...thus the name: Up from the UnderStory

A Milestone

2008-06-10T08:01:00.000-07:00

I have finished my first year of graduate school- barely alive. It flew by. I can't believe I only have one more year left. Just like that...and I will have a Masters Degree.

To reward my year/accomplishments I purchased myself a new ipod nano. It is tiny- like a credit card. I'm liking it, but worried it is soo delicate.

I am excited for the summer. Summer never feels the same like when you are in school. A real break, even if you work, feels so good. I'll be traveling more than usual this summer, but I can't wait.

The kids from Calaveras county came to campus last wednesday. I had lunch with them, a campus tour, and then they presented their documentary to Davis. It was a fun day, tiring, but fun. I made an effort to show/talk to the kids about their individual interests and how it can tie into Davis...motivation. I took one girl down to KDVS since she wants to be a DJ. Things like that. It was an inspirational day. I really hope these kids understand how much they are doing for their community and others.

Here is a list for grad school:

Good Things About Grad School-

+ Learning new things is exciting
+Meeting new people, making friends
+Close connections with professors
+Break feels that much better
+Funding is amazing
+Accomplishments are way more rewarding

Bad Things About Grad School-

+You are more tired than usual
+There's a lot of reading (at least 200 pages per week per class)
+Campus starts to feel like home
+It goes by fast
+Reality of job afterwards seems harder than finding a job after undergrad

UnderStory

2008-06-02T16:58:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted
I worked 13 hours yesterday- 10am-11pm. Went to Calaveras County for the community video documentary project. I was so proud of the kids. I got a little teary eyed. 100 people showed up- a discussion was sparked afterwards and the community wants to move forward.

The kids are coming to Davis on Wednesday. The first time for most of them. It seems far away. I have been working so hard to plan this event. I rented a huge tour bus with video screens for them. They can't get over the fact that there is something better than a school bus.

We'll have lunch in the arboretum, a campus tour, and then they will present their documentary to the Davis community.

Yesterday they told me they are excited to come to Davis because they get to spend the whole day with me and I'm cool. I've have worked long and hard on this project. I am so happy for those kids and really hope I can be a positive influence.

If you are in the Davis area on Wednesday come to the MU II (2nd story of the Memorial Union) from 4-7. If you can come the whole time the film will be 4-5, discussion 5-6, and FREE FOOD 6-7. I really recommend coming for the video.

today I also was trained to drive a city GEM car. In the summer I will be driving one and making the rounds to the pools. At first I was nervous as hell and kept breaking with my left foot thinking it is the clutch. But now I sorta like it. It really responds to the gas and not too well to the break. My boss is worried I will flip one. I told her it took me a year to learn the clutch- so not too worry :)

Chicks!

2008-05-28T21:30:00.000-07:00

My parents have chicks! They just started hatching- all this warm weather. I wish, wish, wish I had a yard so I can have chickens. I miss having chickens, especially chicks. They are so much fun to just watch and the most low key pets ever. Everyone should have chicks.

The frustration of Electronics

2008-05-27T16:25:00.000-07:00

My ipod has decided to just stop working. For no reason. I kept it in pristine condition- never dropped it, always in a case, never wet. I become extremely frustrated when technology just craps out. This is something I depend on. Not only that, but this is the second expensive electronic to break on me for no reason in the past few months. First my camera, now this. My ipod is older. 4 1/2 years old, but still. GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Now I need to buy another one when I am supposed to be saving for trips and a house.

My computer better not be next.

I want to live here

2008-05-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

I wish I had the money- this is where I want to live. Backyard, two bedrooms, Berkeley, Dogs Allowed. $2000 a month :( I'd pay that much if it was the mortgage. But not just to rent :(
The kitchen is too cute:

The Month of May

2008-05-22T19:56:00.000-07:00

The month of may puts me in debt more than Christmas.
Everyone has their birthday, plus it is whole earth...which means pretty art things to purchase. And this year I got a cute shirt with a chicken on it, plus a necklace. The month of May is also a reflective month. Everyone is getting older. I've been thinking though, people really only use age to rate things: things they have or don't: kids, houses, jobs, etc. Things they can get once they turn 21 or what they can do once they turn 16. Age really doesn't matter though. Really it doesn't. Life ends when it does- differently for everybody. It could be depressing to think you are one year older-but why think that way? I think your already living the life you have been born into. Or the story you are the main character of. We all live in our own stories really. Stories that connect, stories that are climactic, stories that end. Why waste time dwelling on how you are older or that you are getting closer to the end of a really good book? Keep on living. Keep on enjoying every moment. Keep on being happy- debt or no debt. :)

Here are some more pictures from May since I have been lagging with the posting:
My Friends' Birthday at Sophias

Happy Birthday Lisa!

Tilden Park- Lisa's Birthday!

Climbing Trees- I've never been to Tilden before. It is amazing how this nature is just outside the city. I have also decided I want to live in Bezerkely. I really do like Berkeley. If only I could afford it. I found the most adorable cute 3 bed room house with a yard north of Telegraph but it is $3,000 a month :(

Whole Earth Day!

2008-05-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

I've been working alot. 30 hours a week plus 12 units at school. A lot. It's good I'm working alot, but then I don't have time to write alot nor do I have time to do much else. School is on the sidelines this qrt. which is ok since I am taking everything pretty much pass or no pass. I was just too burned out after winter quarter to do much more with school. Grad school is hard stuff. Taking it pass/no pass makes it soooo much easier.

Costa Rica planning has been full force. Our tickets were finally canceled. I spent almost 5 hours taking care of the mess: getting a refund and rebooking with continental. I made the trip 2 nights longer by getting new tickets. All this planning just for 12 days wasn't right, so now it is officially going to be two weeks. I wasn't going to let anything stop me from going on this trip. Maybe this was a sign I shouldn't be going, but hey I like a little adventure. At this point I have planned it as much as I can and whatever happens, well then it happens.

Here are the places we are staying:

Cahuita

Tortuguero
Termales del Bosque

Monteverde:

2008-05-08T21:24:00.001-07:00

Awhile ago my Pop's and I went to the Palms playhouse in Winters to listen to David Linley perform. I like doing these types of things. David had an impression on me. Ever since I saw him tell his stories through song and talk I have been inspired. I couldn't stop thinking about the concert, even now, at least half a year later. I was happy to finally use his inspiration in one of my amateur poems. So here is a new poem I wrote, thanks to my Pop for taking me to the concert and in inspiration of David Linley-

In High School they played tonsil tag
Behind the gym walls.
She could taste his smoke.
He thumbed her white barrette in her thin blond hair.
The air whispered against their faces like a blow dryer.
They made wishes with dandelion kisses.

He handed her his last Yoo-Hoo
They skipped rocks and spit watermelon seeds
in a dried up pond that smelled like sidewalk chalk
and tomatoes about to crack from the heat.
A plastic ring from a grocery store dispenser -
Twenty-five cents, a guarantee.

The day he left for his route in his mail truck
The plastic ring tangled with a pistol in his pocket
Torn paper flowers, icy silences, smudged windows
Littered their small rented home where she wore red heels.
He wore his fake turquoise alligator skin shoes
That cost eighty-nine cents at the Salvation Army.

Stained dappled bags bellied with mail
Became Evidence in the police office
As they handed her the plastic ring
That she remembered throwing at him.
Persimmon salamanders traipsed in her mind
And their baby kicked her, upside down, right under her ribs.

New Camera Tricks

2008-05-03T09:52:00.000-07:00

My camera has a great zoom. I have been playing with it and learning the different settings. Here is one of Jaime James I took

School has not been hard lately, it just feels like it is dragging on. I am ready for summer. Every week I feel like I need something to look forward too, just to pull me through. On Wednesday, my friend from school and I were sitting in our office and were so tempted by the spring weather. We ditched our work and went to the Farmer's Market instead. On Thursday I went with my friends from work to Chevy's. $3 margaritas. Even less for all the laughing we did.

Today I am going to REI- biggest sale of the year, and I just got paid.
Tomorrow there are possibilities of a day trip to Santa Cruz, but sigh gas is so expensive.
Can you tell I'm ready for the summer and not at all motivated by school work. Burnout. Ready for a REAL break from it all.
I do love school though. Don't get me wrong. I am the happiest when I am in school. Learning. Reading. Networking.

Sneaky Airliners and Good Music

2008-04-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

So Frontier is not allowing anyone to buy any more tickets on the flight we have to Costa Rica.
they like to be mysterious, because they tell me no more tickets could mean:
1) They are sold out
2) They have pulled all the other avaliable tickets

Number two, translated by me, means they are not allowing anymore because they are about to cancel the flight. Number one would be good news. Flip a never landing coin: Is how I translate it.

They have canceled four of their other routes. Not Costa Rica. Not yet.

They sure are sneaky... or so they think.

The death cab for cutie concert last week was amazing. It was a week ago, but I can't stop thinking about it. Their new stuff it so good. I can't wait for the new cd to come out. I already know my favorite new song: Grapevine Fires. I like their new stuff, because they are like stories...or poems. And Grapevine Fires reminds me exactly of one of my stories I wrote this past winter about the Southern California fires. I like it when artists write songs that remind you of their stories. It is sort of like hearing a song and thinking it was written specifically for you. I hear a song and think it was specifically written as the sound track for one of my stories. Wouldn't it be cool if all stories had a soundtrack to go with it? A suggested song to listen too while reading?
Maybe if I ever publish a short story collection I will have a suggested song for each story in the index.

I am enjoying my new camera. Here is a video clip, done by my new camera, during the concert.
A little shaky at first...but it gains strength. :)

Worldy Poems

2008-04-21T18:54:00.000-07:00

I'm actually starting to like writing poetry. I'm far from good at it, but to me they are mini-stories waiting to be written- new material. Here is another one:

"Intention to Steal Culture"

Magdalena clutched chili peppers, basil,
And twine used to intertwine the two together
To sell on Del Monte Street for seven pesos
To tourists who wanted to buy a piece of Mexico
For their all-American families who buy lemonade and curls
Sold by neighborhood girls once a week
With change fished from behind couch cushions.

Magdalena bought bloodlike vampiro juice
For her children that picked fermented figs
Off the ground to trade in the market
At Chichicapa for razors to carry in their hands
During the eight hour ride in the covered van
Past omnipresent sniffer dogs and guards
Into the beat of the American streets.

And I got my new camera just in time for the Death Cab for a Cutie Concert tomorrow night- I am so excited and can't wait.

Poetry is Challenging

2008-04-20T17:09:00.000-07:00

Picnic Day was grand fun this weekend. I have to say Caroline's dad (the beer man) was the high light. His lecture was pretty much hilarious. Afterwards I needed to drink budwiser in honor of his lecture. The weather wasn't rainy, like usual. Palina came home which was fun.

The weekends just fly by. I wish they were 3 days long. I have 5 poems due on Tuesday. I am not much of a poet. I try and am finding that they take longer than stories, even though they are shorter. Stories give you the space to build up to things and make mistakes or buy white paper. Poems. You have to carefully sit there and think about the meaning and significance of each word. Then it has to sound right too. Quite the challenge. Here is my first completed poem:

Forbidden City

When I drive with my eyes closed

I think of October 3^rd 1990

When I went to a party

On the Great Wall of China

Lanterns illuminated the sky

Like technicolor fish waving in the wind

Tiger beer dictated my mind

Zhuang girls smiled at me from the edge,

Took cigarettes from the hands of German college boys.

Blue smoke twisted into the sky

Shadow mountains swallowed a dissipating wall.

No pause in between

The music beat into the dirt ground,

whispered into space like echoes quieting in a tunnel.

Glitter necklaces glowed

onto a penny a Zhuang girl stuck into her shoe.

Black ink tattoos dipped down her chest

Onto her breasts

Like ivy leaves consuming a brick wall

Converse shuffled across the dirt floor

Sweat caught on my upper lip

Her cheeks flashed pink

Hast Du etwas Zeit für mich?

No one would believe me

If I told them I drive with my eyes closed.

I Think he was a fish in his past life

2008-04-13T17:12:00.001-07:00

I have never met a dog that loves the water as much as Jaime...

Camping Pictures

2008-04-13T12:59:00.000-07:00

Camping at the Indians during Spring Break:

New Camera

2008-04-12T10:04:00.001-07:00

I can't stand the stress of this airline thing....

So I used some of my tax refund and I (pre-ordered) purchased my new camera this morning. I needed something concrete to look forward too. I am excited. It will be released on April 20th. I can't wait to have a camera again:

I also ordered a waterproof Costa Rica map....It will be my string of hope. I will study it and map on it and have fun.

Bankruptcy

2008-04-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

It can't be...

Frontier has declared bankruptcy today

We have 9 tickets booked for Costa Rica with Frontier in August

The tickets are non-refundable unless they cancel the flight....which they have not done yet....but there are still many months left.

I swear this trip better not be canceled. I have been planning and working and getting so excited about it since December.

On their website they declare they will be "reogranizing for 9-18 months" whatever that means.

It better not effect our flight.

Busy

2008-04-10T08:39:00.001-07:00

Course work is light this quarter, but I have been working more on campus and then at city hall. When I work more it is almost like I am busier, but not as stressed and not as tired. Classes are moving along. I am enjoying poetry and grammar more than I ever thought I would. I struggle with the homework during the week, but then in class it just makes sense and I finally am grasping concepts and ideas I never could understand.

I've been accepted to the Mendocino Writers Conference for the summer, so I will be traveling to Mendocino on a fully paid trip by the english department. I liked the author's at the conferences in Napa and Portland better, but the conferences were both so much longer. I just could not afford to be gone longer than a long weekend in the summer, so I stuck with a shorter one. Which isn't bad, because if I am going to be submerged in writing nonstop for three days straight I couldn't find a more inspirational place than Mendocino. They have a contest I'm going to enter. The first place person wins money and will be published. I just need to decide which story to submit. It is hard because so many of my stories take place in Mendocino. I can see this being a good thing and a negative thing. I don't want to offend anyone, but then again they might like to see their location in a story. We'll see.

The city of Davis gave my name to the executive director of the Davis Art Center. I guess the Art Center is looking for an office assistant. I wish I had the time to take the job. It probably would be perfect. I'm going to go and meet with the director next week...and see what she thinks. It is crazy how networking and connections just allow things to fall into your lap. I am becoming a firm firm believer of just working hard and being happy along the way..then success will find you. If you become to desperate and depressed with what you're doing then nothing will happen.

Yesterday I was walking on campus and said hi to a professor in passing. He told me every time I see you, you are always so happy.

I don't see why you should waste time not being happy.

school Accomplishments

2008-04-01T17:06:00.000-07:00

I did it. I accomplished a goal I have been at for the past 5 years.

I got my first 4.0 ever at UC Davis. Not only did I do it as a grad. student, but I did it in the hardest classes ever. I worked my butt off this past quarter and I completely deserve every thing I earned. I have never worked so hard in school. I am so happy. It was so worth it.

The crazy undergrad professor who had it in for me gave me the best grade: an A+ (I guess she recognized that I really did try and put all my effort into her class)

Then I got two A's in my graduate seminars

I am so happy. Really. This is a feeling that is unexplainable and better than anything. Everything - the exhaustion, the pushing- all of it was worth it.

We went camping to the Indians last weekend. It was beautiful. I will post photos soon.

New quarter, new classes started today. I wrote my first poem in my poetry class. It was about mushroom hunting. I had to read it out loud and was a little humiliated. I'm no poet. But hopefully I will learn.

Spring Break

2008-03-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

This week of vacation has been busy but grand.

I have worked almost all day at the city, picking up some extra cash. It is good to be back in the office with my buddies. Working the 8-5 schedule when I am not used to it, makes it feel like a vacation. It only gets old when it becomes a routine.

Today I taught gymnastics. It was so much fun. Trampoline and parachutes. I was all into it. I liked the big parachute best. Hopefully there will be more gymnastics fun in the summer.

Yesterday I took my friend's toddler to the park. It was fun to go down slides, play hide and go seek, and just be a kid.

somehow this break called for children. Kicking back, relaxing, and laughing with kids.

Easter was nice too. It was quiet. Lisa and I made a yummy sangria and fruit salad. Then Palina, Lisa, and I dyed some eggs:

We are probably going camping to the Indian's tomorrow. I am really looking forward to it. We have not gone for the past few years because of rain. I just wish I had a working camera.

El Fin

2008-03-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Nothing, nothing tastes better than a beer after you turn in your final paper for the quarter.

Yes. I just emailed my final paper to my professor. I am OFFICIALLY done with this quarter. I have a cold beer in hand and am reflecting on this feeling and moment that cannot beat anything in life. It really is an amazing feeling.

Now I must devote my break to work and hope my tax return comes soon, so I can get me a new camera. I feel naked without a camera.

Done with that Class

2008-03-22T09:59:00.000-07:00

One paper left and Spring Break here I come! The paper is due Tuesday, but I think I'm just going to do it today, get it over with, start spring break.

Yesterday I had my final exam for my undergrad class. It took me 10 minutes. Fastest final time ever. I hope this means the test was easy. I believe it was. I studied so long and hard for it. The professor also handed us back our papers that are worth 50% of our grade. I got an almost perfect grade. She took of 2 points for no reason really. All her comments say my paper was perfect, just what she was looking for. She just took those points off just to spite me. But oh well. 2 points? Seriously. I just want an A. I tried so hard in this class. The only thing she really could give me low points on was participation.

I just really want a 4.0 this quarter. I have never got a 4.0 in a college quarter.

This time I want to do it though. Just a little goal I set for myself. No reason why it really matters. I just want to prove to myself that I can do it. Cross your fingers. Grades will be ready next week.

I finally got a hair cut and I am loving it. It took me a month to find the time to do it. I decided to go after my final as a reward.

I also got a new tent. I want to go and use it. Maybe camping next weekend when I am truly done.

Last weekend I went to SF with Katie and Ellie. We went dancing at night and then bridesmaid dress shopping during the day. We found a perfect dress at Anthropologie but it was the wrong color. I can't wait till Katie's wedding it will be so much fun. I am starting to do planning for the bachlorette party. We're doing it in Napa. Way to much fun. I like weddings, especially when it is for your long time friend.

P.S. my camera broke- this is the new one I want: Pentax Optio M50 8mp
I need that tax return to come...

A Dog Horror Movie

2008-03-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

I am so exhausted my legs feel like they can't move. I feel sick, I feel tired, my brain feels dead. I can't walk my dog that is driving me crazy and won't let me write my paper that is due tomorrow. The things my dog does while I am counting down the hours to deadlines:

Breaks a purple ink pen on the light carpet making a huge stain

Steals a sharp cutting knife from the sink and runs around the apt. with the knife blade sticking out of his mouth, like he's the dog version of the Scream man.

Swallows a whole tampon

Attempts to chew the heel off a shoe

I wish my dog understood what "Bad Dog" meant.

Dear Mr. President, thank you for changing fall savings but not spring

2008-03-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

Spring Forward Savings sucks.

Especially when you have to stay up all night writing a paper that is due the next morning.

Tomorrow morning will even be harder than tonight. Especially since I wasn't able to get to the 170 pages of articles my professor wanted us to read for tomorrow, along with a paper being due, and I know she will pick on me to tell her all about those wonderful articles.

Couldn't they have decided to have daylight savings next weekend? They did it with Fall falling back.