Turning 24 felt like I was living in one of my favorite stories that I didn't want to end. Mendocino was everything I imagined it to be and more. The weather was perfect, I could sleep in a cozy bed and eat yummy breakfast. I could just sit on the beach and read or play with my mendo dog. I went shopping and had a wonderful dinner with the best desert in my life. But best of all I went mushroom hunting. And for once in my life I was lucky. I came out with about $40 worth of chanterelles. This was the first time I went and I have to say it is one of my new favorite hobbies. I could now understand my parents ultimate excitement. It is like a scavenger hunt by nature. And when you find a little secret spot you get adrenaline and excitement all at once. I brought them home to my parents who went crazy. I felt so happy that they were so proud of me. Mushroom hunting is like a secret off the marked trail that you will always remember.

Caroline came to Davis on Friday and took me out to yummy Indian food lunch. My coworkers at the city brought me a birthday cake yesterday and then took me out to dinner last night. It was so fun. They bought me a gift certificate for a massage. I have never had one before. I am really excited. Really. I had such a good Birthday and I felt so lucky to have so many people that cared about me. The only bad thing was homework. I got none done and loosing a weekend puts me behind. But hey you only have a birthday once a year.

When I was in Mendocino I went by Claire's cabin. The place we used to stay at for free only to find it is on sale. If only I had a million dollars I would buy that place. It is so special to my family and there are so many good memories that live inside the walls of that old cabin. It would be amazing if I could fall upon money. I would go straight to mendocino and buy that place.

Yesterday I took Jaime for a walk on the ditch. It was the first time I walked there since the whole Pablo incident. It was like reliving that last walk that could be the one that cost him his life. The path is all dried dirt now. I found myself wondering if any of the mud dried paw prints were his. I remembered everywhere he ran off the trail and everywhere he smelled. I missed him again. My dad said mourning a dog is a lot harder than mourning a human in many ways. A dog is there to see you everyday. It is there to experience untold moments that many humans never even get to hear about. Sometimes I think it is silly to mourn a dog more than any person that ever died, but then I rewalk the walk, I see the dried pawprints, I hear Pablo barking after Kuma, and I see Jaime watching/learning everything. Then I think about memory. How this walk will forever be a slow motion time capsule to me, because it was the last walk. If he was alive still. That walk would be a memory lost/merged into the many walks. It would be a walk that I would have forgotten in a few months.

It is like we live a life we have no control over. Not even the memories. It is like we are characters in a story that someone is writing. We are alive only because our story is being read. My first grad. story is being read and workshopped tomorrow. I hope people will laugh. I want people to read my stuff and not only be perplexed about awkward situations that can be humorous.

Back to studying.

School has been keeping me busy. On my toes. It really is the most challenging thing I have done in my life. But I enjoy every bit of it. Today I have my first presentation. It is on prostitution in 16th century English Literature. I like to keep it entertaining. Always choosing the fun topics. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. I have gotten sick, so my voice is lingering on becoming lost. I have one of the worst colds I have ever gotten. Theraflu is amazing at night time though.

Tomorrow I am going to teach an undergraduate class. I am nervous about this too. My friend and fellow grad. student is going out of town and needs someone to sub her undergrad creative writing class. She asked me. So tomorrow I will be professor chordas for the night. I hope all of those nightmare stories I have concocted in my head don't materialize into life.

This weekend I am turning 24. I liked being 23. I think I like odd ages better, but I have a feeling 24 will be good. I am going to Mendocino for the weekend and am pretty happy about that. I need to just get out and relax. Plus spending my Birthday in Mendocino is the best imaginable wish i could ask for.

This past weekend I went to Caroline's bridal shower. It was a fun party and I am so excited for her wedding. Katie also told me she is engaged. All my friends are getting married. It makes me think about marriage more. I have my dream beach wedding in my head. A wedding in Mendocino and a barefoot reception on the beach. A big Chordas party. But then I think what would be different in life if I was married? Married life doesn't really bring you anything that you cannot have without it. Except memories of an awesome party of course. I am excited for my friends though and am looking forward to the weddings to come.

I went to a Halloween party this past weekend. That was fun, but I was sick so I couldn't let loose as much as I wanted too. But it was a good time with my fellow grad students.

Pablo died last night. It has been a round night and day. I cannot even focus on the stacks of homework I have. It is so much harder than I thought. No one even expected this. He was not sick. Out of all the dogs I always thought he would be last. I just took him the beach, then putah creek, and the greenbelt. The last month of his life I spent every weekend with him. I was so amazed that he would outdo Jaime endurance-wise for being 11. I loved him so much. He was such a part of our family and could really understand people more than any other dog. I only wish jaime can live up to what pablo was.

He really was the best dog ever. Life just isn't fair. It is so hard. I am glad I was able to visit him everyday for the past week in the ICU. I hope he wasn't scared and alone when his heart stopped.

we went and visited him at 6pm last night and then got the call at 8pm that he died. we brought him his frisbe yesterday and I told him we love him and can't wait for him to come home.

Then he is just gone. forever. Only a memory that becomes more distant as time goes on.

It's been a tough few days. My parents' border collie is in the ER trying to pull through. It feels like losing a sibling. I grew up with that guy.

For my theory class we have been studying format of fairytales. I had a dream last night where I met with Walt Disney. He told me I need to consider taking a public speaking class. Odd dreams happen when you study fiction....

Here is the email I sent to my dog trainer and classmates about Pablo:

I wanted to let you all know about a disease called leptospirosis.
The weekend before last (8days ago) I took my parents' border
collie/aussie, Pablo, and my puppy Jaime for a walk on the north davis
greenbelt. For those of you who walk the greenbelt, if you walk all
the way north there is a "ditch" where dogs can run and play.
I walked the two dogs down there and they ran through the water and
played. At the beginning of last week Jaime started picking at his
food and sleeping more. This was not like Jaime. After Dolores sent
the article about the recalled treats I thought that might be it. I
took Jaime into the vet and after blood tests that showed nothing
wrong, he seemed to get better on his own.

this last Sunday, my parents' border collie mix became really ill. He
showed the same symptoms as Jaime, but more sever: He refused water,
food, or to get up to go to the bathroom. Yesterday, they immediately
took him in to UC Davis and he was diagnosed with kidney and liver
failure. He currently is on an IV with antibiotics. He has not shown
any improvement in the past 24 hours, but we are still hoping our boy
will pull through.

The vet is almost positive it is a disease called Laptospirosis. It is
something that dogs pick up from standing water, like the water at the
ditch. I wanted to tell you all, if you walk there, not to let your
dogs in the water there. There also is a vaccination that you can get,
but is not usually given. I highly recommend this for your dogs. You
can read more about this disease at this site:
http://www.peteducation.com/article.cfm?cls=2&cat=1556&articleid=454

Pablo is our family miracle dog. When he was 4 years old he was hit by
a car and dragged to a dumpster. A wonderful citizen found him, days
later, and took him to UCD. He fought through an intense surgery that
saved his leg and his life. 7 years ago, when Dolores had the Cultured
Canine store in downtown Davis, she helped raise money to pay for his
surgery at ucd. With four screws in his leg, Pablo has brought joy to
our family for the past 11 years. He loved Dolores' agility classes
and camping in the wilderness. We hope this will be a second miracle
and our Pablo will pull through.

Hug your dogs and please stay away from standing water.

This weekend I went to a grad. party. It was on stonegate lake. It was seriously one of the best parties ever. I have never felt so comfortable at a party. I was dancing and realizing, you know, this feels right. Kegs on stonegate lake, creative writers, good food, and ecology phd students. It all worked itself into an amazing night.